October 23, 2014

Thoughts on THOTs


Am I too old already?  Maybe I'm over it, can't be bothered already at *almost* 30.  I kept seeing THOT on the internets, so of course I  had to look it up.  Did you know that means That Hoe Over There?  How very degrading.  Attractive women are now sideline furniture.  Cute.  That table over there sounds about the same to me.  I see a lot on the assorted media available about how feminism is over, and its not needed.  Everything is status quo, there's no such thing as a Rape Culture.  Go back to your televisions.  It concerns me deeply when I'm talking to a veteran teacher about a student's bullying problem, and they don't know him by name but by dress, and say "Well if he dresses that way then I'm not surprised he's a target."   WHAT?!?  In what universe is victim blaming ok?  He's a boy in high school that wears makeup and sparkly pants.  He's a nice kid, but he can't go to school without threats of physical harm.  Why?  Because of the way he presents himself.  It physically sickens me.  "She was dressed like a slut, no wonder she was raped."  "He's a fag, no wonder he got his ass kicked."  I guess I don't get it.  Isn't there supposed to be more tolerance now?  Aren't people supposed to be more aware of bullying, and the consequences?  From suicide to Columbine, there are a lot of them.  How long does it take to climb out from oppression?  Wait, never mind. 

September 26, 2014

Strategies

I'm horrible at strategy games.  Ridiculous amounts of horrible.  My cousins all wanted to play chinese  checkers with me when we were kids because I always lost.  A few years ago, a person I was dating tried to teach me chess.  I will play games like that for the fun of it, but I go in knowing I'm going to lose.  By teach, I mean call me names and make fun of me the entire time and refuse to be useful.  So he captures most of my pieces, and laughs at me until I told him I could win in one move.
Jerkface - "There's no way."

Me - "No, seriously.  In one move."
Jerkface - "How?  I don't believe you."

I upended the board, scattering pieces everywhere while yelling, "Sheblam bitch I win!"

Jerkface - "What the f&*: Cody?!?  You can't win like that!"

I sat down calmly in the ruin of gameness.  " Yes, I can and did.  Weren't you looking?" I replied.

Jerkface was sputtering, " But... but... that's against the rules!"

"Says who?"

"Its in the rulebook!  You can't win by just throwing the board!" He was really starting to get angry now.

"Well, I have a book that says woodland creatures live in a medival abby and have adventures.  Is that true too?  I think you're just mad I thought of it first." 

I left him red faced and sputtering. 

September 6, 2014

Bucket List

Ever since the movie "The Bucket List" came out, I've been hearing people talk about theirs.  A bucket list is a list of things you want to accomplish before you die.  Maybe its because we are American this idea appeals to us so much.  Our jobs and industries, culturally, have no real meaning anymore.  We work too long at jobs we hate to buy crap we don't need.  A bucket list gives us a sense of purpose, and makes us feel like we've lived life.  Me personally, i love lists.  So of course, I'm working on mine. 

1- Quit smoking

2- Take Tristyn out of the country.

3- Publish a book, even if I'm selling it out of my car.

4- Be fluent in Spanish again.

5- Learn to speak Italian, then go to Italy.

6- Sing on a stage

7- Visit Russia

8- Ride a speedboat thru the canyons in New Zealand

9- Play with a member of the large feline family

This is what i have so far, but I need ideas.  For gawd's sake, I'm going off Dr. Dorian in Scrubs.  Do you remember that show?  Better question- What is on your bucket list?  Tell me in the comments!

September 3, 2014

Off

Off my schedule, out of my mind.  Its the first week of school and now I have to get up at 6:45am, do meal planning, etc.  Puke.  Sometimes this stuff makes me want to run screaming into the hills.

So, I stayed way too late at my friend Kathys.  Ooops.  Its been nothing but stress in my house.  First week of school, tension with Marcus, scheduling, forgetting to walk the dog then he trashes the house multiple times because he's a bored airedale.  Also a douche-dog.  Bah!  Don't forget the 5,000 other things I'm worried about, like being overweight and needing new glasses.  I can't sleep.  My internal clock is still on summer, but the child person gets all whiny if you don't feed him.  In fact, if the food isn't forthcoming, there's 2 cats, a dog, a cockatiel, & a 7 yr old all yelling at you.  Every time I thought I wanted a baby (except once) I've gone out and gotten a furry one.  This ends up with lots of fur everywhere, but cheaper than kids.  Less work if you keep to cats.

August 30, 2014

100 Posts!

In the spirit of our 100 post milestone, I will be revamping the blog!  Please let me know in the comments things you like, things you hate, etc.  We are getting a serious makeover!  Whooo!

And now, onto the regular content: What pisses me off today. Today, I saw a gofundme that reeeeeeeeaaaalllllyyyyy irritated me. These people have 6 Kids together, and one more they pay support on. She is a "freelance" tatoo artist (kitchen tattoo anyone?) And he works. Ish. I guess. I don't know man, but when I hung out with him in my early 20s his Grandma paid his bills. Anyway, I guess they moved into a new house and now the Mom and youngest both have medical bills, which sucks. But they can't pay for all of these things now, so they're elicting money online. Alms, alms for the poor, and you don't even have to leave your house to beg for money now. Nice, right? Now they say that they need the money for medical bills, which i get. But they go on to talk about their new house they have to pay for, and I saw some bitching they'd only raised $150 or so. Granted we have a broken healthcare system, but its fucked up to talk about how you need money for your sick baby (why in Goddess' name do you have 7?!?) and you really need money for your new house and bullshit. Ugh. I'm not going to say poor people shouldn't have kids, or nice things.  Its pretty fucking stupid to have your own baseball team when you're poor though.  Kids are horrifically costly, both money wise and time wise.  Every time you have a child, you play roulette with a multitude of potential issues, even if you have no family history.  That ups the cost significantly.  I also saw them talking about how they don't qualify for assistance.  With that many kids, to not qualify means they are bringing in quite a bit of money.  They posted that if everyone on their friends list donated $25, they'd have $3,000+ because they really need it.  Yeah, who has an extra $25?  And if you do, do you give it away?  Me personally, I give to charities, usually involved with animal rescue.  In order to receive monetary help from any place I've ever heard of, you have to fill out applications and bring in lots of proof you're poor.  Not so with gofundme.  So what do you do with spare money?

August 29, 2014

Flare Town

Population : Me.  I feel good, then an hour later I'm down.  I'm folding laundry, Next I'm nauseous.  Id say I wish it would pick something, but it usually picks comatose.  I feel like I never really get anything done.  I'm so tired.  I sleep a lot, and still feel tired.  Sometimes the only time i feel well enough to function its time for me to go to bed so i can get up and take care of the Mr. Man.  I feel bad for not being a better housekeeper, or active parent.  I can be boring.  Ah, well.  I did have a fun moment with Marcus yesterday.  We were joking around, and I entered "buttsex" in the search bar on Netflix.  This is what happened.



Yes.  Magic School Bus is totally what I meant. 
In other news, school is starting .  Any parent of a special needs child can tell you that can be a special slice of hell.  Not only do we have to start in with a new schedule, but new busses, new class helpers, etc.  Wheeeeee.  So by the time Tristyn the boy gets used to his schedule and new people, its Christmas break.  

August 8, 2014

Fruitcakes

Jimmy Buffet was right, fruitcakes are everywhere, and where the fuck are THE JUINOR MINTS!?!  We need people that care.






My friend Rayne has a rainbow tail.  That's right, a fricken rainbow tail.  I want one!  Also, I really need a pair of those kitty ears that scan your brain and move.  With yer BRAIN WAVES.  Scifi fans get excited, we are one step closer to fully functioning cyborg costumes that you can run over all of those assholes that talked crap on Star Wars.  Ha ha bitches! 

On another note, there are some weird people out there.  Seriously weird people.  Not just your run of the mill, People of Walmart weird, there are some seriously deranged individuals out there.
From the Why-didn't-I-think-of-that insane:
Canary Suicides, the new dust collector
I've been waiting since 1985 for this shit!

To the what-the-hell-did-I-just-see:
Bacon is officially everywhere
I am the rainbow fox!

That's your moment of zen, people.










































Nervous Eater

My dog is an Airedale Terrorist I mean Terrier /Laborador Retriever. This means he absolutely has to be walked. Bare minimum for a well behaved Moose is an hour of walking once a day. Bare minimum for a Moose that doesn't eat loaves of bread and any food he can find on the counter is an hour of walkies once every 3 days. Beyond that he starts eating everything in the house including the child's toys. He can dump a trash can and strew everything in it from hell to breakfast in the time it takes me to smoke a cigarette. Whose fault is it? Mine because I didn't walk him. The 100lb puppy is not a house dog. I'm reasonably sure unless you live in a castle, no 100lb puppy is a house dog.

Speaking of dogs, a lot of the people I see rehoming them really make me want to scream.  "Free to good home, German Sheppard.  Got too big for the kids."  How big did you think a German Sheppard is?  Ugh, people. 

July 29, 2014

Blargh

So we are stilll in full swing puppy season and the amount of stupid people doing stupid shit still astounds me.  If you have a mutt or mongrel puppy, no one in their right mind is going to pay $500+ for it.  According to the AKC, a mutt is a mix of 2 recognised breeds, and a mongrel is 3+.  These guys are available at any shelter or rescue.  Yes, your dogs may be cute, but that is a terrible reason to breed.  What kinds of genetic issues do these dogs have?  Are you mixing 2 different kinds of breeds?  Whenever i see an add for mixed puppiez that says "best of both breeds" i really want to scream.  These people clearly don't understand genetics.  You get a grab bag of traits from both parents.  Putting two names together to make it sound cute does not change the fact you're trying to make a quick buck off being too lazy to fix your dog.  Blargh.

July 24, 2014

Did someone drag me behind a horse and i just forgot?

Ughaghugh.  I'm so tired.  I'm watching season 4 of RuPaul's Drag Race, and Moose hunting flies.  I've drank a pot of coffee, had a hour and a half nap, and still feel like I'm going to die.  I just can't survive on 4 hours of sleep anymore.  I'm 29 and far too old for this shit. 

In other news, we went camping!  Whooo!  We've got an ADHD 7yr old, ADD 5 yr old, and a 4 yr old.  Oh god what did i do? So technically this isn't a real post yet.  This is a post to let you know I didn't forget about you, I just ran away from civilization.  I almost didn't come back, but I ran out of underpants.

July 13, 2014

Am i?

Am I still the same person I was back in the day?  You wouldn't recognise me, I wear heels and much less eyeliner.  I have responsibilities now, instead of a knife collection.  I look at situations now and think if this was 15 years ago I would have just screamed obscenities at you until you left me alone.  Instead I have to be nice to you since our kids are in the same class.  Its also hard to look in the mirror sometimes.  My Grandfather says he looks in the mirror, but some old man is in there staring at him.  There's some chick in mine, she looks overweight and tired.  What happened to the bright eyes and high cheekbones?  And her hair?  It just lays there like an old rug now, what happened?  There was a time it flowed up and around, like an elegant bouncy drape to frame my face, now it hangs there, like the curtains in a haunted house.  Tattered, and in ruins.  My face, my body, what is this physical thing that people see?  Or worse, my clothes and makeup.  Do they see that as me? The baggy t-shirt and sweatpants, worn because regular clothes are so restrictive.  Especially with this skinny jean, skinnier shirt trend.  I look pregnant on a bad day.  Ugh.  But a new day dawns.  I have hope, and a plan for the future. 

July 9, 2014

Gypsy Cart

I woke up this morning surprised I wasn't in my gypsy cart.  I keep having this dream I live in a sheepherder's wagon in the woods.  Its so quiet and peaceful, I wish I was there now.  Its a million fricken degrees in here, even with 3 air conditioners.  I'm meeeelting, meeeeelting. 

In other news, I'm going to see a new doctor soon.  Wheeee.  I was referred to a psychologist when I met my last new doctor, a general practitioner.  Apparently its not normal or healthy to hide in your house and be so run down you can't breathe.  Huh.  Medication was suggested.  *Sigh* 

3Am

Three am and my blood is pumpin.  Or not.  I'm almost asleep.  Asleeeeeeeep.  I hate rude exbosses.  I have one that almost haunts me.  Stupid bitch.  Ugh she's the worst ever.  Whatever.  Mean and hateful to me but sweet as pie to my boyfriend.
Now we are in daylight hours, but I'm so full of decongestant that I keep wondering if I'm in the movie Pan's Labyrinth.  The universe keeps shifting. I keep seeing things that aren't there, things I know in my head aren't there, but I keep thinking, Am I sure?  Why again are they not real?  Shadows out of the corner of my eyes keep moving.  I am convinced its the cat until I remember they're both outside.  I'm fairly sure I'm not stuck in a horror movie because this has been going on for awhile, but one can never be too sure.  Either way I'm holed up in my cave of sick just praying for daylight.  In my head.  Not suicide tho, just something to cut the black on my brain. 

July 3, 2014

Its a fresh one

A fresh piece of hell that is.  I want to will myself into feeling better.  I will let you know if that ever pans out.
I've found my dream home, I'm going to build a tiny house on wheels.  Now all i have to do is come up with the money for it.  And figure out where to build it, and where I'm gonna park it.  Also i have to figure out how I'm going to build it with no building experience whatsoever.  I'm very blessed, my wonderful friend David has offered to help me and he just graduated college with a degree in building awesomeness, so I'm super excited!  Architectural Engineering is what he called it but whatever.  Tiny house!   My mom laughed at the idea of Moose, my 100+ lb. puppy in a tiny house.  According to my calculations however, less house = more yard.  More yard = more frolicking space for Mr. Moo.  All he does inside is lay under my feet anyway.  All i need is a job now. 

June 28, 2014

Tyler I Love You

I lost my bird.  He passed today, I found him on the bottom of his cage, unresponsive.  I've had Tyler Birden in my life for 12 years, but I'm not sure how old he was.  He wasn't very friendly, he hated people touching him, and only really loved his mirrors.  Snoop dogg too.  He wasn't my best friend but he liked me as much as he liked humans.  He was afraid of hands, so that impeded his relationships with most people.  I loved the way he stretched his beak when he whistled, and sat on my shoulder content for hours, then would go back to his cage. He's under the roses now.  I wish I knew how old he was.  I'm not sure why that bothers me now, but it does a bit.  Sweet bird.  I miss him.  I don't hear the random tapping sound of him headbutting his mirrors.  It took Bro-Face several years, but he finally taught my birds to do an incredibly annoying parrot squack.  Tyler would do it randomly, and it would scare the crap out of me. Soot (his surviving companion) only does it when he sees Bro-Face.
 

He was a particular bird, an odd bird, but a sweet pet.   Well, we enjoyed each other, anyway.  I hope he had a good life.  I did what I could to provide that for him.  He got birdie time, flying around the house.  I played his favorite songs for him, like this one.



I miss him.  I can see their cage from where I spend most of my time, the kitchen.  I am watching Soot right now run around in the cage, poor guy.  
What is he doing?

BAHHH!  Birdie eyeball of death!

Paparazzi!  Go away!

Seriously?  Go.  Away.

He was aloof, and not cuddly.  Like a Siamese cat, or a bear.  Did I mention how he loved Grape Nuts, and mirrors?  I keep listening for him.  All of these thoughts fly through my head at random intervals since I picked up his lifeless body from the bottom of his cage.  I saw him there, and I just reacted.  The second my hand wrapped around his beautiful plumage I knew that he was gone.  Never, in the entire time I knew him did he ever let anyone ever pick him up.  A couple of people tried, and they were very lucky he allowed them to keep their fingers. He was a generous boy.  
I love you Tyler Birden, I miss you, and my life will never be the same without you.  Green pastures and fair winds my love.























June 15, 2014

Messages from the land of forgotten thoughts

I've been looking at some past drafts, and want to share with you some of the weird thoughts that never quite panned out into an actual post.

     Creepy stares and bitey monsters  - I'm watching a kind of old movie called Creepshow.

     Wyoming Injustice - In Wyoming, it is an ugly but accepted fact that the police and courts are corrupt and do as they please.  January 30, 2012 was a red letter day for justice in Casper as

     Generation Z? - What shall this up and coming generation of kids be called?  I remember the pepsi  commercials for my mother's generation was called Generation X.

     Peeing In A Cup Sucks - Several states are considering forcing citizens on public assistance to urinate in cups and test them for drugs.  I know it is generally referred to as UAs or Urinalysis, but peeing into a cup while a stranger watches you is what happens.  This idea seems to be gaining momentum through the conservative ranks, and it scares me.  Are poor people thought of as so far below these so-called representatives that the poor aren't allowed to have basic human dignity anymore?  Hell, it was like pulling teeth to get some of these candidates to turn in their tax return paperwork, what would they do if they were forced to drug test?  I have noticed that not one of the people trying to push this through have offered to have themselves drug tested.

Strange days - I am coming up on my 30th birthday.  The big 3-0.  Not bad for someone a lot of people thought wouldn't live to see 25.  I'm taking a mini vacation today.  My madre is out of town so I'm crashing on her couch.  My son is with her, so I have a chance to catch up on things, like my life.  I'm using this time to take a long, hard look at my life.  I rather enjoy my job, so no problem there.  I haven't been taking as good of care of myself as I need to be.  I haven't been sleeping, haven't been staying on my diet.  I haven't been exercising either, and have been informed by the doc I've gained 20 lbs. in the last 3 months.  WHAT!?!  I'm about 15 lbs heavier now than I was the day before I delivered my son.  Clearly this needs to change.  I wish there

 Medical Issues TMI - So, I'm pretty sure I have Psoriasis.

 No Priest Needed - The house is veeeeeery close to done!  Thanks to the insane efforts of my Mumsey and Popa Bear!  Yay!  I am so excited, I can't wait to move into it!

 SOundbites and podcasts - Soooo, I don't watch regular TV.  I have been getting into podcasts lately, and here are some of my favorites and awful awful wastes of time. Podcasts are audio or video recordings much like TV shows.  In fact, some of them are.  I download and watch mine on Itunes for free.

Annie's Bits - Short, hilarious, American news show.  Awesome!

 Fun Stuff! -
 Roseanne Barr for President!  http://www.roseanneworld.com/blog/2012/08/rnc-vs-dnc-will-medical-marijuana-decide-the-election-2/

Bad bugs in my head - I woke up

Gut ache -  Ugh.  I've felt like a distillery for days

 I trusted you - I trusted you and you betrayed me.  I believed your words.  I took them into my heart where they dug their hooks in.  Internal bleeding where thoughts should be.  When your words broke apart it tore my heart to pieces.  Bloody chunks of my life lay at my feet while my chest gapes before you.  I lost my life that day.  I scramble to pick up the pieces of my heart, and my head falls off.  I'm left in a pool of my own blood hearing "I'm sorry." Sorry doesn't heal.


Weird stuff.  Have you ever started a book/journal entry/scrap of paper, then didn't go anywhere with it?  What did it say?

June 8, 2014

Ah! My health!

So I'm starving, and have been for days.  Weeks.  I'm stressed, and I am a terrible depression/stress binge eater.  I found out I've gained 30 lbs in the last year, 20 of that in the last 3 months.  My relationship is going less than no where fast, and I've been too sick to work.  I haven't even wanted to leave my house.  Lack of nutrition will cause you to feel starved, even if you're pounding food.  I have to stop trying to survive on saltine crackers and ramen, and fattening fried or super processed foods when I feel good, sending me back into pukeytown.  I'm making my low fat potato soup right now.  I just throw diced potatoes, diced carrots and diced onions into chicken broth, simmer for a half hour.  (People with normal digestion, feel free to add celery here.)  Then I chop some mushrooms, add some chicken base, throw them in with some 2% milk, and simmer another half an hour.  Bam!  Done.  Its been a long day so I added water and made it kinda thin.  I always have to keep an eye on the budget of a meal, and easy availability.  I absolutely hate it when you see something that looks super yummy and I can't read/don't recognize half of the ingredients.  Elaborate things like that are fine if you have a professional kitchen and live in a big city, I live in a very rural area.  Escargot is a hard to find item here, ok?  Also, I have a simple kitchen, so you can put away your chestnut roasting pans.  Actually, on the subject of equipment, I would suggest getting a cast iron dutch oven and skillet.  They will last longer than you will if taken care of properly, and you can use them for anything pretty much, from cakes to soups.  But I digress.

Aunt Cody's Gastro Diet

Number One Rule For Dieting - DO NOT change everything you eat overnight.  Start with baby-steps, or you will crash and burn.  Always follow a doctor's advice, and following any diagnosis make ABSOLUTELY SURE you talk to a professional about the diet you need.  Follow their advice.  Seriously, when they say something will make you sick, they aren't kidding.  My doc told me to stay away from bacon, and I ate it anyway because bacon is my super double fave.  I died for three days.  Don't make my mistakes.  
Make sure you take time to eat at least 3 meals and 2 snacks per day, you will burn fat faster.

Keep track of your water, you need at least 8 glasses.

Slow down on the dairy, get the lowest fat version available.  If you're cooking with it, the difference is harder to taste.

Make sure the food you do eat is actually food.  The closer to raw food, like an apple with cheese slices vs apple with store bought caramel sauce.  Can you read the ingredients of the sauce?  Hmmmm.  Corporations put ingredients in food like natural flavorings which is actually secretions from a North American Beaver's butt. so you're always better off with real food.  

Pair guilty pleasures with twice as much healthy stuff.  You get the taste you crave, plus you have taken the guilty out of your pleasure by eating healthy at the same time.  Crave cheese, ham, bacon, eggs, and turkey?  Cobb Salad anyone?  Just use a huge amount of healthy greens, like spinach and kale, and low fat dressing, you're eating healthy!  WITH BACON!  Well, healthier anyway.  Baby steps, remember?

Pick an exercise, and do it for at least 15 minutes a day.  It can be anything as long as you are up and moving.  Pick your favorite 4 dance songs, and get down with your bad self.  Seriously, its that easy.

If you have a cell phone, set alarms for everything you need to get done.  The water, when you need to eat, your workout, all of it.  Do it now before you talk yourself into staying exactly where you are.  Make sure you set them to repeat, or you will forget.  Don't lie to yourself, you know you will.  Did you think I was kidding?  Seriously, take your phone out right now.  I'll wait.  *hums Jeopardy theme*  K, done?  Good.

Get enough sleep.   Take naps if you can.  Schedule yourself enough sleep.

Take care of your skin, its your biggest organ and your first defense against the world.

Make sure you get some sun every day, it provides vitamin D and helps your body absorb calcium.

Juicing is a great way to get your fresh veg in.  If you have regular digestion, fresh veggies are better for you, because normal people need the insoluble fiber to clean out their bellies.  Gut scrapers are your friend.  If you're like me, throw an apple, a carrot, some pineapple, and a beet or 2 in the juicer and enjoy.  Good stuff, that.  There are those that hate the idea of eating fresh veggies, or don't enjoy doing it.  Juicing is a good way to introduce yourself to the flavors.  If you eat the regular American diet, at first your taste buds will be confuzzled by these new foods, and their lack of sodium and fats.  I personally dreaded it at first.  Then after experimenting and getting used to the different tastes and textures, I came to crave it. 

Slow change is good change.  If you drop a lot of weight quickly, you will most likely gain it back.  Plus your skin can't keep up and it gets all gross saggy.  Eww. 

If you're a phone junkie like me, apps really help.  I use MyFitnessPal.  With Gastroparesis it is really important to keep a food diary. 

Don't feel like you have to be perfect.  A donut will not ruin your life.  A dozen donuts are a terrible idea though, so exercise moderation.  A donut and a tasty and healthy fruit smoothie, after staying with the diet?  Good do.  I can do one treat like that once every 2 weeks or so with minimal backlash. 

Drink tea instead of soda or coffee.  There are literally thousands of varieties easily available over the internet if you are in a super rural area.  Check your local grocery store, or if you have a hippie store ask them.  They will be able to point you in the right direction.  If you have any specific health needs, there are many teas to help you.  These are some of my personal favorites.

         

And that is the basic rundown of what I need to do.  Let me know if any of this has helped you! 





June 7, 2014

Gastro death

I've been getting sick again.  The stress of life currently and certain food choices have made it impossible for me to feel good.  I've made bad choices and I keep making them.  So, I'm back on the hunt for low-fat low-fiber foods, diets, and recipes.  It's always interesting to see what people put on the Internet in regards to this, and I have to be careful.  There are plenty of nuts out there convinced that since bulk fiber is good for most people, it must be good in large amounts for everyone.  These people make me want to scream.  Good sites will let you know that you have to be careful on this diet to get all of your nutrients.  If you're new to the low-fiber diet, go here, to Food to Glow, a cancer diet site.  Weirdly, its usually people with cancer or are recovering from colon surgery have to eat the same diet I do.  The difference is they get to go off of it eventually.  I really shouldn't.  I do, and there are always consequences.  I cannot face living the rest of my life without bacon, OK?  Don't judge me. 

Anyhoo, looking for food, and I learned something.  Stay off Yummly, it will just make you mad.  I searched ""low fiber" "low fat" diet blog recipes" and everything that came up was high fiber.  Jerks.  LIVEStrong is a good overview, but nothing, dare I ask it, inspired?  I'm so bored of chicken broth and overcooked rice.  Canned veggies are not tasty.  I just found this thread on Chowhound, and it has some amazing ideas.  Meals For You has some suggestions and ways to search by fat, or carbs, and its very clear.

Next, we have the less than useful information.  You know, 90% of the Internet?  This forum thread is totally insane and has no real info in it.  It is a great example of the stupid things people say on the Internet.  Fun stuff.  Or what I saw when I searched recipes.

No, wait.  I said... Nevermind.

     On another note, I have some recipes of my own.  If you roast some veggies in the oven, this is a good starter recipe.  I personally don't use the balsamic, it makes it too acidy for me.  But this softens whatever veg you have in the fridge wonderfully.  After they're done, throw them in with some chicken stock.  I make my soup fairly brothy, especially if I'm not feeling great.  If you want chicken, feel free to throw some in with the veggies.  Raw is ok, because you're going to be simmering this bad boy quite awhile.  Don't forget to check your chicken before you eat it, it has to be white all the way through.  I turn it up to high, then when it starts bubbling I turn it down to where it simmers.  I leave it, stirring every couple of minutes or so, for at least a half an hour.  Use a potato masher or good sized fork to squish everything up nice and soft.  When its done, let it cool for a few, then enjoy.  I also have been known to take just a tad of olive oil, soften some onions and leeks on low.  Next I throw in some diced potatoes, and cook that down.  Just when a little brown starts to show, cover everything with at least 2 inches above the potatoes with chicken or vegetable broth.  Simmer 20 minutes- half an hour.  Bam, soup.

What are your best angry gut recipes?

June 3, 2014

Tired

I'm tired. Tired of being admired.  Tired of love uninspired.  I'm so tired!


I even know why.  I haven't been taking care of myself.  I've been forgetting things, losing track of things, letting life slip by me as I scramble to catch up.  I've gone off my schedule, and stopped eating healthy.  Again.  I seriously need to stop doing this.  I decide to be healthy and that I'm tired of feeling bad.  Next thing I know its 10:30pm and I've eaten half a bag of chips and ramen for food all day.  I want to get up at 5am every day, but I find myself staying up every night until 1 am.  Oooops.  I have to have 9 hours of sleep a night and I haven't gotten it in weeks.  Could be the amount of soda I've been drinking.  The excessive smoking doesn't help either.  I know people my age that are in great shape with amazing careers.  Granted most of them don't have kids, but that doesn't mean that I'm not better than them.  Ha!  When I was 18 I had this idea in my head, that I can be fit, have beautiful clean children, a job I love, the perfect relationship and a clean home.  Oh, and I do the whole thing in heels.  Nice thought, right?  Now I know, children are not clean, nor am I having more than one.  Being fit takes more work than chips, which is obvious yet ruins my life just a bit.  You have to find things to love in a job.  There is no perfect relationship, just one that works enough.  OMG if I dated the perfect man I would probably murder him.  The bastard would make me look bad.

My son is gone for a week with family (my Madre and Bro-face+family) and this is my big chance to reset my world.  Also, I've gotten more quality time with the boyfriend, and that's neat.  Here's where I get started on getting shit done.  Tonight, I'm going to bed at 8pm, since I never get a damn thing done after then anyway.  I can get up at 5, and have a couple of hours to throw up and make coffee.  Walk the dog, then start my day.  I have to take time to do my yoga too.  I have to actually use a food diary and drink 8 glasses of water a day.  I need to juice.  I have to walk the dog once a day or he's an unreasonable turd.  Rah.  Now I am filling up my phone with alarms to get all of these things done, and I see my days laid out for me.  Now that is scary, knowing what I'm going to be doing every day.

 I remember a time when I would wake up and every day was a magical adventure.  I had no idea where I was going or what I was doing, but it was so much fun.  Now I have responsibilities, to myself and Mr. Monkeyface.  Also the boyfriend, to a degree.  And my family, though that has been an odd balance beam to toe down.  I need to connect with them more, and more of them.  I am very blessed to have been raised with the idea of family with no blood relation.  Most of my blood relatives and I don't talk, for one reason or another.  I do have a good Facebook relationship with my half sisters, they seem like cool people.  I of course have my sweet grandparents (3), the lovely-yet-deadly Madre, Bro-Face, Sis-In-Law I love so much Sarhot, Hazely-poo the Princessbutt niecey.  But most of the people I call family are not related to me at all.  I have brothers, sisters, homies for life.  I keep talking about moving, but short of me buying a compound or my own island, its not going to happen.  At least, I won't go far.  Maybe Laramie.  I like Laramie.  It's Wyoming's version of Portland.  Maybe someday.  For now, I own my own home, and need to get myself healthy.  Oh a rigid schedule.  I've never actually done this, and I'm pretty nervous.  I feel almost like I'm putting myself in boot camp.  I've gotten lazy with myself, and my life.  I was getting so much done, I got sick, and I never quite retrained for life.  I got lazy in my off season, time to fix it.  This pep talk really needs to get more motivation behind it.  I'm going to do this for myself, my family, and my life!  Yeah!  I'm going to get up early, and go to bed early, since collapsing into bed every night exhausted is not working out at. all.  Going to bed early!  Yeah!  Up early!  Yeah!   WHOOOOOOO!  Ok, I feel slightly better about this.  On an ending note, look what my yard looks like, before and after!
Dead and full of crap.  Yay!

Full of weeds, but life!  Yay Life!
The first steps have been taken on my invasion of the yard.  We have a brick path that goes *most* of the way across the yard, and a rosebush Tristyn picked out is next to the steps, so that it is the first thing I see when I pull up.  It's been a cold summer so far, the earth seems angry. 
















































June 2, 2014

Japan

The human experience is strange.  Every moment, there are almost 7 billion humans thinking.  How many epiphany moments is that?  How many of those thoughts are of joy, or love?  How many are destructive or vengeful?  Walking through life in your own path and only seeing through your own eyes is so very... shallow to me.   I sometimes dream of living in Paris, or herding cattle in Africa.  To experience life as another person is fascinating to me.  A shared moment with another person, or being, is one of life's greatest experiences.  Looking into another person's eyes and knowing that you're thinking the exact same things at the same time.  We form committees and groups to build on ideas, and form solutions.  I believe we should take one random person from each country in the world, and put them together in a round room to solve the world's problems.  Communication at this point in time is fairly easy, even Google Translate can change English to Afrikaans in the blink of an eye.  I say give each group a month, then change them out for new people.  Give each group one problem.  For example, what steps can we take to end world hunger?  The next group checks their work, then moves on with their own problem.  The membership of this group would also have to be completely random.  Sure it sounds like the UN a bit, but that, like most organizations, is run by rich old guys.  This is clearly not working, and never will.  In America almost all of our lawmakers are white men over the age of 60.  Most of this country doesn't fit in that demographic.  We have a half-black president now, which is a step in the right direction.  However, it would be nice to be able to actually vote for a president, since we bill ourselves as democratic.  But I digress.  It would be nice to have someone besides special interest groups working for the betterment of the whole world, but sometimes it seems like they are the only ones who care.

April 25, 2014

Pain

I feel like someone broke into my house and beat me.  I started a new rule today- any day i wake up throwing up then poop my pants, I'm going back to bed.  I'm not having it.  Am i alive?  I stiill feel pain, like I'm full of angry bunched up muscles.  Small angry pain tigers curled everywhere in my body, stretching and clawing their ways around me.  Chest tight, stabbing and constricting with each breath.  Combined with my regular health issues, unbearable.  I did it to myself.  Not apurpose, mind you.  (I love that word, a'purpose)  Smoking.  Ah yes, if I'd only avoided the damn cigarettes I would be in much better shape than I am currently.  The same could be said of soda and booze too I'm sure, but those smokes can be murder.  I'm actually smoking one right now.  Terrible, awfully nasty habit.  I'm trying to switch to a vape (e-cigarette) but its not the same.  Regular cigarettes are dirty.  Vapes are not, and i miss that dirtyness.  Its the last real vice i have.  I used to have many, and spent a fair amount of time "discovering myself".  By "discovering myself" I mean basically doing anything and everything i felt like in that moment.  Yes, now I'm paying for it, but i don't regret those decisions for a moment.  I had my son fairly young (22) but I am done with that life, and have been since before he was born.  But it calls to me sometimes.  The night breeze whispers through my hair, reminding me of adventures to be had, and fun to revel in.  That time is gone.  I have lessons to drive the kiddo to, along with teacher meetings and working a regular job.  No more do I follow my fancy, from party to party, man to man, friend to friend.  Life was so fluid, so... shining.  I miss that.  Now I have the comfort of routine.  Strange, the tradeoffs we make in life.  I have no regrets looking back, but some of my choices were interesting.

April 8, 2014

Focus

Finally I'm back.  Focus on the real world really brings me down.  I went back to work last month, I'm a waitress at a pancake house.  Good hours, easy work, and I pull down about $20/ hr.  Sweet.  Trying to get regulated on an actual schedule is a lot more difficult than I thought.  Its been over a year since I had to show up somewhere and do really anything not my-kid related and frankly the idea of it scared me.  What if I couldn't handle it?  What if I got super sick at work and couldn't go back?  What if I sent myself back to the hospital and did permanent damage?  What if?  What if?  It turned out to be fine.  I enjoy it, like my co-workers and really like my bosses.  It turns out I'm really good at this, and making more money than I have at any other job.  Consistent money, anyhoo.  I feel like I'm starting to come together in my head.  I had to get the job because we were behind on bills, but I'm glad I did.  Its been nice to be able to afford my son'd favorite restaurant, Taco Johns.  I can afford real luxuries, like dryer sheets.  Soon we will be caught up on the bills and be able to save up for an It-Was-Unforseen fund.  Hell we could blow $100 on a weekend trip to go soak my butt in my favorite place, hot springs. in

February 6, 2014

Where am I?

I hate writing stories. I have all of these great ideas for books and I just can't get it to flow the way I want. I can write about ideas and tangents all day. Hell, I even have. But starting a story with characters and moving them along a story line? It's like I'm broken. A writer who can't write a story. God it even sounds sad. I hate you. Hate. Ugh. Stupid computer. I'm supposed to be writing a book and I can barely start, and have no where to go. Post apocalyptic zombie hunter? Lost after 2 pages. Girl living on her wits in the woods? Hell I didn't even get a chance to introduce the character, I bored myself too fast. Now with half of a provocation I can read a bitch to filth from the top of her skank-face to the bottom of her gnarly ass hooves. For days... yes. Tell a story not based in truth, to just pull something magical out of my ass? MMMM not gonna happen. I spent years hearing about my potential, how I could do all of these magical and wonderful things with my life. I pissed a bunch of it away, between anger about my childhood and trying to survive. Drinking, drugs, late nights and the search for love all contributed to where I am. Where am I? That's a good question. Ground control to major Thom, you've really made the grade. Or something. Am I where I am in my dreams, sipping coffee next to an open window in Paris? Working a loom, making my art? Am I performing onstage in front of a sold out crowd? Or am I living in a trailer? One of hundreds of trailers, hallways with doors that only go one way. Is my life tripping over a black dog in the dark, hoping to find a bathroom? Hearing the cries of a small child, wondering whose baby that is and realizing it was mine? Where am I really? I sometimes feel like I live in an ethereal plane, halfway between this world and another. Another world, somewhat of my own design but there are things there, things not of any real world. Beyond human comprehension are these …creatures and feelings. Colors that do not exist here, melding and bleeding with plants and animals far beyond a surrealist painting. Perhaps I'm in the quiet forest of my youth, walking quietly so as to observe all that exists around me. Beauty and life breathing, quickening, all around me. Then the blare of an alarm clock screaming through my brain. I sit up, awake next to a man. I have pets to feed, a child to ready for school. Is this where I am? I turn on the coffee pot, light a cigarette. I look around. This is not seemingly Paris, this place of noises and needs. Birds, dog, cat, child, all with their morning noises. The man sleeps. What am I doing? How did I get in this place? As the coffee filters through my synopsis, the fog clears and I remember exactly how this place manifested itself. Be careful what you wish for, it won't end up the way you think. I wished for more time to work on my art and time to spend with my son. I ended up with a disease that makes it so I can't work, or really do anything but sleep and cry about half of the time. I should have wished to be independently wealthy. Being sick doesn’t pay the bills in this country. In fact, not much other than working for a corporation does around here. Corporations think for some reason that you should be reliable and able to show up and function when they schedule you, and that really isn't possible for me. So I'm a housewifeish for a man. The bills don't get paid on time or sometimes at all because restaurant work has fluctuating hours but there’s almost no makeup for it. Companies lie and promise promotions and raises but they don't follow through. You can threaten to quit, but they don't care. There's another person right behind you desperate to feed their family, they'll work for cheaper than you will. Who cares about the workers anymore? Not the people making the money, that's for sure. We've become a nation of faceless drones, statues. A representation of people is what we've become. There are so many of us. So many people in this world with nothing they can do. I want to move somewhere with a village. A village market where I can sell blankets and food I grow. Perhaps we wouldn't have much, but there wouldn't be so much pressure all of the time.

January 31, 2014

Walk away

He got busted.  My sweet child's worthless sperm donor was arrested, and I was thrilled.  "Finally!  Finally he will have to stand in court and explain why he's refusing to contribute to his child.  Finally he'll have to answer to running out on his flesh and blood and all of the other crimes he's committed."  But no, my local police department decided to let him out on bond.  Granted, I guess his mommy had to pay $3,500 ish to bail him out, but that's small consolation.  He's out on the streets, less than 24 hours later.  Child Support Enforcement found out he was incarcerated because I called them.  Hell the cops only found him because I called them and told them where to look.  So the state got paid and I got nothing.  Less than nothing, since the Sargent I talked to promised they would let me know if they arrested him and if he was released, and I got nothing.  Not really a surprise since the last time I talked to them I was told the only way I would be safe from him is if I went into hiding.  I shaved my head and moved out of state.  He is now $29,584 behind with no payment, and no apparent consequences.  He just gets arrested, bailed out, and runs off.  I probably won't hear anything until he gets popped for something else, but at this point I'm done.  I did my civic duty helping the cops, several times even.  I've gotten screwed over and lied to.  Good job, police department.  Also great job prosecution office that refused to charge him with kidnapping and beating me.  Now it's time to walk away.  It's been almost 2 years since I've talked to him.  I seriously thought he was dead.  Well if you don't hear from someone long enough they might be dead, and he had stopped calling me and asking me to leave my boyfriend.

So just walk away.

January 28, 2014

Drag Queen?

I am a Drag Queen. Yes, I am a Drag Queen. I am many things, including a biological female, mother, writer, lover, singer, queer, artist, and Drag Queen. Yes, I am in a relationship with a man so we will go into the queer thing later, but for now, we are focusing on the fabulous. I have gotten quite a bit of flack about identifying myself as such, but I feel it is no different than any other queen. I've been called a queer and a faggot, been threatened, been told I'm disgusting, wrong, and a liar just for being called/calling myself a Drag Queen. Even people in the gay community have told me I “can't” call myself that, simply because I was not born with a penis. Well good luck telling me what to do hunty. I like to think of myself as America's Premier Female on Female Impersonator. Which is to say, I look as much like a real woman as Cher. Are you ever going to run into Cher at the grocery store? No way shtupid! Now there unfortunately isn't a drag scene where I live, so it ends up a lot like performance art, it doesn't pay for shit. Now granted I have a lot of fun with it, but the best I get is free drinks. I got started with my version of drag basically in an effort to feel pretty, because I didn't anymore. For more details, check out the very awesome show I was on!

After I had my lovely son, my body... well, it didn't look the same. I was listening to random music videos on youtube, I ran across this gem.  I should mention here I had no clue who RuPaul was.


I loved it! I felt the same way watching this video that I did the first time I saw Naomi Campbell when I was a girl, the overwhelming jealousy and want/need to be them, or at least like them. Oh, well. I thought if you're not born like that I guess it just flat isn't in the cards. After the video I saw a link to RuPaul's Drag Race the TV show. I turned on season 1, episode 1. Find RuPaul's Drag Race Here! Vrooooom!

If you've never seen it, This will be a bit of a spoiler alert. Go watch it, then come back. No, I'm serious, I'll wait. Go!

Ok, in the beginning all of the ladies come in separately in full regalia, they do a small challenge, then they get out of drag. Until that point, I had no idea they were men. I actually thought it was a weird beauty pageant show. When I saw the transformation I was floored. WHAT THE BLOODY HELL?!?!? Those beautiful women with glitter, ballgowns, and perfect bodies WERE DUDES?!?!? I MUST INVESTIGATE FURTHER!!!!! Until that point, I'd always felt too fabulous to be defined as any one thing. I've found myself wishing at time that I had been born a gay man, because then I would know more about who I was and honestly some of my eccentricities would be more acceptable. Anyhoo, on this journey I've called myself a couple of different things, from my real name to a name my character at that time embodied, Coia Cuppcake. I was going for sweet, bubbly, nice. Basically the very things I generally lack. I feel another incarnation coming on. I've always felt like an amoeba of tie-dyed rainbow, edged in black lace. Maybe some fire too. I hate being defined by any word, or even a set of words, unless at least a couple of them are contradictory.  More on this later!  Tata for now!

January 14, 2014

Ferrets! Diesel Weasel!

Ferrets!  They're cute, they're neat, and they're exotic.  Still they end up in the shelter.  Why?  Well, a lot of people don't understand a ferret's needs and think of them as weird cats.  They require special care, and supervision.  They will burrow, and if not fixed can mark their territory.  They can also be loving, interesting family members.  A good overview of their needs can be found here.

Almost 500 ferrets are looking for homes right now on petfinder.  Look at this face!

 My name is Brody and Adrien and I are a pair. I'm the more roly-poly one and I do like to roll over a lot when I'm playing. They tell me it looks pretty funny, but, hey, I'm having a good time!  Adopt, don't shop is what we always say, you're saving a life! 

Now you're excited!  Look at the cutie fuzzface!  OOOoooooooh I want one!  (I know, that's what I said when I saw Brody.)  Here are some tips to keep in mind.

Getting a new fuzzy family member is just like getting into any new relationship.  Do your homework, and know what you're getting into before you do it.  Are ferrets the right pet for you?  First, according to Hug a Woozel, make sure it is legal to own a ferret in your area.  Just because you see them in a pet shop does not mean they are legal, when in doubt call your local animal control.  Ferrets can also be rather expensive for a small pets.  Their cages start in the hundreds of dollars, they are usually at least $100, and their veterinarian care can be pricy due to the fact that they are exotic.  They are intelligent creatures, and require toys and stimulus, plus food and fresh food.  This all adds up quickly.
I'm bored.  I think I'll make my own game out of eating a hole in every cereal box in the cupboard.  Wheee!


Ferrets are emotionally high maintenance and require a lot of time with their humans.  They need to be able to get out of their cages at the very least once a day.  Their cages need to be cleaned fairly often too, along with baths and grooming for the animals themselves.  For more information, please go here to find your local library, they have free books from professionals!

There's also a lot of ferret lover's groups on the internet!  We wanna check them out!

If you're looking for an interesting pet that will love and play with you all day long, the ferret may be right for you!  Inform yourself, and contacting rescues in your area is an awesome way to get answers to any questions you may have.
 
Taco and Belle

These guys can be seen here on Petango.

January 12, 2014

Career Mom

Having it all depends on what all you want.  Once you know what all you're looking for, you'll better know it when you see it.  Or have it.  I've heard a lot since I was little about how any woman can have it all if she tries hard enough, works hard enough.  Of course, they never tell you what "all" is.  There are vague ideas of babies and a full career, maybe some images of cookie-baking and making lots of money.  Now many women are feeling lied to and disillusioned after either working 90 hour weeks and not having enough time for sex much less babies, or having a few kids and realizing the job market and their skills don't line up to making enough money to cover the kids in daycare.  I wanted a child, and never really thought about the far reaching consequences because at the time, we were going to be married.  I was going to stay home with the kiddo and work on my writing while he worked whatever job.  We'd be married, have a house and a dog, and all of that picket fence stuff.  That whole plan fell apart when Douchecanoe went to prison but that is another story.  I had this idea about having a few babies, maybe 3, and traveling the world.  High finance, big business, big money.  That kind of thing.  Of course I would be able to watch my son take his first steps.  However, reality sets in.  Any woman that goes back to work 6 weeks after having a baby is a hard-core badass or a serious masochist.  Salute to you ladies, between the horrific things going on with my body, having a small human completely dependent on me, and the lack of sleep from all of those things plus, you know, life, I can't imagine trying to work on top of all of that. 

I digress.

My version of it all was working and being the breadwinner.  I had this ideal for almost a couple of months.  I was on track for promotion, even was looking at moving out of state.  Marcus was working part time but taking care of Tristyn.  And then I got sick.  Nice.  It turns out that I've had a condition called Gastroparesis my entire life, and a major abdominal infection made it so bad that now I can't work.  Sweeeeet.  So now I'm what I swore I would never be, a housewife and stay at home mom.  Instead of writing up reports and drawing up contracts, I see this:


video

As I Star Wars fan I do love the fact that my dog is part Wookie, but being a housewife is hard.  I never get that feeling of walking out of work and knowing that I don't have to look at anyone in that building for at least a day on my days off.  I don't get days off anymore.  My job gets tedious sometimes.  It happens.  But my having it all now means I get to write, and I have a chance to help my son.  So I do have it all, just not all I thought.  Its working though, mostly.  This place I'm at in my life seems to be working better than anything else I can think of, or really any other time in my life.

Let's end with a song!
























































































































January 10, 2014

Bitey is a word because I said it is

I just realized something.  Here I lie in bed, waking up and within seconds I'm picking thru my brain trying to figure out what all needs to happen today.  Then i think about all of the things that needed done yesterday that I never finished.  Suddenly I realized that in order to get everything done that needs to happen and to catch up, also maybe do something I actually want to do ill have to turn into Wonder Woman and not sleep for at least a week.  Once upon a time I even had the ability to do that.  I was going to school, running keeping a clean house, and raising my son by myself.  Also I was watching my niece full time after the piece of crap that birthed her ran off.  Maybe because I was single and in good health?  I have neither of those going for me now.  I can't even sell my plasma.  I sometimes feel that don't really even contribute to my own home.  Its a good day when I can both do the dishes and clean off the kitchen table.  Then I have time to think about how I haven't folded laundry in 2 weeks and what am I going to feed these people?  How can I devote myself to writing and crochet when my house is a fricken mess and I can't walk thru my bathroom without wondering if I'm walking thru a laundry basket.  I found my kitchen table yesterday, roasted a turkey, and made a full family dinner out of it.  I was up at 5am this morning, wishing I was dead.  I guess hefting a dutch oven with a 15 lb turkey in and out of the oven a couple of times really did me in.  Now I have to worry about money.  My ex has disappeared off the map again, and there goes any hope I had of ever getting child support for my son. This clip shows what I would like to do about it, or at least have fantasized about once or twice.  Maybe.




The cops that have been bothering me since he went underground arrested and immediately released him.  I was assured that if the authorities in either Wyoming or Colorado found him he would be arrested and have a court date for the more than $27,000 he owes, but they arrested him for a misdemeanor and released him almost instantly.  I was also promised by the detective I spoke with that they would notify me if they found him, and also if he were released.  I found out from the local paper.  In fact, the only reason that the Child Support Enforcement office knew he had been arrested was I called them.  When they called the jail four days later, he wasn't there anymore.  Shocker.  Those morons never went after him for support until after he moved to Colorado two years ago.  At this rate, he'll be dead before they find him.  Ugh.

Onward and upward!  I can't dwell on this stuff anymore.  Not only is it stressing me out with no result, but I find myself becoming angry and bitey to the people around me.  I have to focus on what I can do, and work from there.  Its so frustrating to live with a disease that shuts me down randomly and with any intense work.  Sometimes even writing can exhaust me.  I can't stand it.  It drives me insane.  But I have to keep alive and keep moving, like a shark.  I need to make a list, of things I can do and things I want to be able to do.  10 years ago that list was things like blowing glass art pieces and learning to use the turntables.  Now it's making a pastry shell and folding laundry without getting tired.  I'm so scared of leaving my house and getting dizzy and tired that it has really cut me off from a lot of things.  I can't cut myself off, I know that.  It isn't healthy, blahblahblah.  But getting out of my comfort zone, possibly wearing real pants?  Terrifying.  Especially if I'm stuck somewhere that I can't sit down or easily pass out. Better days are coming.  I just have to be positive.  Now to end with a song...   




































































Happy New Year! I'm Drinking All Day!

It's a new year, and my kitchen is still dirty.  Every year I expect there to be a plastic wrapping around the world, like I can run around and unwrap my life that was magically dry cleaned in the night.  I want to wake up to children and a dog in plaid pajamas, with my husband, in front of our marble fireplace.  My handsome husband.  Handsome and the prince of a small Caribbean island with lots of money and no pirates.  Or whatever.  Don't get me wrong of course, I love my boyfriend and love my relationship with him, but him suddenly becoming the prince of a small prosperous island would be freakin' awesome.

Let's look at some of what made 2013, well, a year that ends in 13 for sure.  Rick Ross is suing LMFAO Because he thinks that his song:





Is being ripped off by this song:




Apparently, Mr. Ross is under the impression that "Everyday I'm shuffling."  at 3:40 in the LMFAO video is the same as the "Everyday I'm hustlin'." in his song.  My opinion, they sound nothing the same.  At this point in the music industry it is ridiculous to sue over 3 words being similar.  There are so many songs with words at this point it is going to be difficult to stay true to a particular music style without copying, its impossible to write anything without some of the words being similar. 

Someone always has to get pissy about dudes in banana hammocks.