September 26, 2014

Strategies

I'm horrible at strategy games.  Ridiculous amounts of horrible.  My cousins all wanted to play chinese  checkers with me when we were kids because I always lost.  A few years ago, a person I was dating tried to teach me chess.  I will play games like that for the fun of it, but I go in knowing I'm going to lose.  By teach, I mean call me names and make fun of me the entire time and refuse to be useful.  So he captures most of my pieces, and laughs at me until I told him I could win in one move.
Jerkface - "There's no way."

Me - "No, seriously.  In one move."
Jerkface - "How?  I don't believe you."

I upended the board, scattering pieces everywhere while yelling, "Sheblam bitch I win!"

Jerkface - "What the f&*: Cody?!?  You can't win like that!"

I sat down calmly in the ruin of gameness.  " Yes, I can and did.  Weren't you looking?" I replied.

Jerkface was sputtering, " But... but... that's against the rules!"

"Says who?"

"Its in the rulebook!  You can't win by just throwing the board!" He was really starting to get angry now.

"Well, I have a book that says woodland creatures live in a medival abby and have adventures.  Is that true too?  I think you're just mad I thought of it first." 

I left him red faced and sputtering.