December 19, 2013

First Try at Bread

So, bread.  It can be cheap, and is a huge staple in my diet.  I know carbs are sugar, blahblahblah.  Its delicious and part of a balanced meal, bitch.  I don't care what anyone says.  The guy who invented the Atkins no carb diet was dying of heart failure.  Probably a true story.  Anyway, bread.  I like to surf recipes I will never make with ingredients I have to look up, and I keep seeing recipes for these exotic looking breads.  Now up until now I've never made it.  I was intimidated by it until I remembered that pioneer people could do it.  hell, my mom's ex husband did it and he could barely wash and dress himself.  If you haven't eaten bread from the oven covered in butter you haven't truly lived.  Mmmmmm.  So, in the spirit of the weather change and the fact I never really thaw from my birthday (Oct. 29) til June, BREAD!

First, a song to get you in the mood for AWESOME!

 Guess what the number one ingredient to toast is?  Bread!

 So, before we get into this, do not be afraid.  The ingredients are cheap, requires about a desk worth of space, and its actually fun and not nearly as sticky and gross as I figured it would be.
I did some searching and ended up here.  First, read the whole recipe, then read the comments.  I cannot stress this enough!  Comments can be a real asset on these sites, just make sure you read a lot of them to kind of feel out who is an idiot and who actually knows what an oven is.

Next, pick your recipe and get all of your ingredients together.  You can pre-measure, I don't.  I used the recipe in the above link with the following changes.  I mixed the salt into the flour so as to not kill the yeast.  I ended up needing a total of about 3 1/2 cups of flour, but I live in Wyoming and we have strange weather patterns so there you go.  Did you know the weather can affect baking?  Weird, huh?  My spaghetti tastes the same no matter whats going on, it could be a monsoon and we would be eating the same food, but I digress.    

I followed the recipe, and it came out looking awesome!  Then, the major problem, I cut into it and it was barely cooked and doughy.  I ate some out of spite but it gave my tumbly the angry rumblies.  Cooked until golden brown at 375 was about 20 minutes, far short of the given 45 minutes time.  I tried again, and ended up with good but very dense bread.  I baked at 350 for 45 minutes and it was bread!  YAY!

Make sure you do all of the time for the rests and do not rush it!

December 15, 2013

Announcement! And Grilled Cheese

This isn't a real post.  Well it kindof is.  I have about 5 blogs I've been working on over the years, and now I've decided to consolidate them.  I caught myself in the middle of launching a news site, and it occurs to me that I've written about that on here.  So you're getting all of the crazy in one place now!  Yay!  So now everything from recipes and crochet to animal rights and caring for your pets is all here.  For starters, lets go to a grilled cheese sandwich.

The Perfect Grilled Cheese Sandwich

This dish gets a difficulty level of 1/10 
Start with:
2 slices of bread
enough cheese to cover one of the bread slices
pat of butter or margarine

Take a small skillet. Throw half of the butter in, and put one of the burners on medium low. Cover one of the bread slices with cheese, topping with the other piece of bread. Set in skillet, lift with spatula after 30 seconds. Next, throw the rest of the butter in waiting until melted. Then put the sandwich back in, unbuttered side down. Keep flipping every 30 seconds to a minute until golden brown or however you like it. Easy, right? This is one of those things that everyone has their own special recipe for. Traditionally this culinary classic is paired with a soup of some kind. Grilled cheddar with tomato soup is one of the most popular comfort foods in the USA.

Budget Version – Use white bread and American cheese slices.  Canned (like Campbell's) tomato soup goes great!  You can also slice the sandwich in strips to use as a dunker for your soup.   Mmmmmmm.

Fancy Pants Version - My son likes his with either American cheese slices and pickles, or Cheddar and ham. My personal fave is french bread with brie cheese. Sometimes I put a little jelly inside too.  My sandwich goes best with a cream of tomato and mushroom soup.  (I'll show you how to make that later.)

This is one of the first recipes I mastered.  When you're just starting to figure out what that room with the sink and fridge is for, mastering anything involving the stove is a minor miracle and very rewarding.  Melted cheese is always delicious, and this can be a lifesaver on a rainy, snowy, or just crappy day.  Make sure to watch your sandwich, as golden brown turns to black veeeery quickly. 

December 13, 2013

Death becomes her

It's been a bit of an odd year.  I like to think I have few enemies.  Sure, some people don't like what I have to say and I can really rub people the wrong way.  Not everyone gets my sick, twisted sense of humor.  In the last yearish, I've had 2 major enemies die.  Its weird.  About a year ago, a girl that was mean to me from the day I met her in the fifth grade took her own life.  Granted, I haven't seen her in almost 10 years, but it left me with a weird feeling.  She had a young child, so I feel for that kid, but...  I can't say I'm not happy I'll never see her again.  Now, a chick that my son's sperm donor was living with while he was sniffing around my ass died in a car wreck.  Situation Clarification - He was living with her, sleeping with me, engaged to another chick, and sleeping with yet another.  I found out, called, lets call her Felicia - the now deceased female he was living with (moron called me from her phone) and told Felicia all about it, and sent her picture proof.  She screams at me and said that I was lying to break them up, and forced Douche-canoe to sleep with me in order for him to see his son.  I replied that he wasn't worth it in bed, as she and I both knew.  Also he had exposed her to an STD, if she didn't believe me she should go with him to the doctor.  She got quiet and hung up on me.  A week later she called me asking about him coming to my house to watch my son while I went on a date.  I told her I didn't date, and I sure as hell wouldn't leave that piece of crap alone in my apartment.  Then she explodes on me about how he's her man, and I needed to leave him the hell alone.  I replied if she didn't want him coming to my house, to yank his leash.  She threatened to kill me next time I left my home with my son, "so he could be with his true parent".  Craaaaaazy, right?!?  This was, oh, 4 years ago?  I think.  Sounds right.  Now I look in the paper, and she's dead.  Car accident.  Its a weird feeling, knowing this person is gone and will never stalk/murder me.  Well, stalk me again.  Then I started dating a guy, and he was her ex-husband and baby daddy.  I thought the crackhead would never leave me alone.  Anyway, she's dead and I feel weird about it.  I only have like 5 actual enemies.  Now two less.  It kind of blows my mind when people I know, people my age die.  But I have this huge hole where my sadness and give-a-shit should be. I feel bad for her family, I feel bad for her kids.  I keep seeing things from her friends about how life won't be the same without her and she will be so missed.  It makes me wonder if they smoked as much meth as she did.  I guess even other junkies will miss you when you're gone.  Thats rude, I shouldn't say that.  Ah, fuck it.  It's true. The sad part is, I guess she was finally clean and had a job.  She probably could have at least made a life for her kids, not that they were a priority.  Wyoming is what's called a woman's state, it takes almost an act of congress for kids to be separated from their mother.  She lost custody of 2 different kids to 2 different dads.  Of course I can sit on my high horse, using what I know of her sad and short life, to justify my looking down on her.  She was a person.  All people make mistakes and do stupid shit.  I never have done meth, and it can make it so a person can throw their life away without thinking twice.  Choices, choices, choices.  Life is all about choices.  I don't know.  This whole thing has left a bad taste in my mouth.  She and I were never friends, but now they'll never be any kind of anything.  I was best friends with her brother for years.  He unfortunately hated me after my ex beat and abused me.  I dumped him and filed for child support so I of course ruined my ex's life.  I hope they both choke.  But I digress.  Her funeral started 10 minutes ago, and here I am at home, feeling weird about my emotions or lack thereof. 

December 11, 2013

Seasons Mermaids

What is it about this season that is so make or break for some people?  I know of a few friends that have broken up 2 of which were over 5 years together.  Another few have gotten engaged.  Its almost like snuggling under the covers gives you an up close and personal look at whomever you climbed in there with.  I, for the first time am in a relationship that I love climbing under the covers with.  Blech, yuck I know.  In every relationship previous, however, I've had that defining moment when your partner's eyes are and inch from yours, and you look deeply into their eyes and think "What the hell am I doing here?  I could be literally anywhere else and perhaps never have to look at you again.  Strangely I'm fine with that."  I usually move out within the hour.  I won't call someone at work, and I have learned to not use the phrase, "We need to talk."  Mostly because it isn't true, we don't need to talk.  I need to tell them that I am neutral about the idea of them getting eaten by a shark.  Past reactions to various breakups are sometimes hilarious, like the time I sang this song:

The guy tried to walk away from me, and I followed him until I finished.  He called me a major bitch.  I have no idea why.  I broke a friends with benefits relationship off with a guy once, and he showed up at my door at 8am (I worked graveyards) pounding on my door screaming about how he loves me and can't live without me.  If this ever sounds like a great idea to get your ex back, just don't.  I still remember how pissed off I was.  He pounded on my window, screaming "Cody!  Cody I don't care if you don't want to be with me!  I love you and we are meant to be together!!!  CODY!!!!"  I kind of opened one eye and took a second to asses the possibilities.  I figured it could only be something like zombies/apocalypse/hurricane/killer bees.  When I realized it was some jack-hole screaming about his feelings that disturbed my precious beauty sleep the dumb sonofabitch is lucky I didn't stick an axe in his head.  I'm not a morning person at the best of times, and this was hardly the best of times.  Who thinks that is romantic?  Pulling a John Cusack from Say Anything, that's romantic.  Or this:

That's super romantic.  Who could say no to that?  I sure as hell wouldn't.  When you think about relationships when you're a lonely single, it gets romanticized.  You see videos like this, and it can drive you right to the ice cream and, if you're me, bloody thrillers.  When I'm depressed/crabby I like to see murders, so sue me.  I start thinking about getting married, loving home with lots of kids and dogs, and then I remember its like this: 

There's a reality check for ya. 

On another note have you seen these videos about Mermaids?  Animal Planet has a new show called Mermaids. 

It blew my mind!  Now granted, this could all be faked, but Animal Planet isn't known for that.  Have you ever seen River Monsters?  Those animals are all real, like the 400lb stingray that, if I remember correctly, eats small children.  Or doesn't.  It did have a stinger that was like a foot long, it looked like a huge bayonet.   
Check it out!