December 19, 2013

First Try at Bread

So, bread.  It can be cheap, and is a huge staple in my diet.  I know carbs are sugar, blahblahblah.  Its delicious and part of a balanced meal, bitch.  I don't care what anyone says.  The guy who invented the Atkins no carb diet was dying of heart failure.  Probably a true story.  Anyway, bread.  I like to surf recipes I will never make with ingredients I have to look up, and I keep seeing recipes for these exotic looking breads.  Now up until now I've never made it.  I was intimidated by it until I remembered that pioneer people could do it.  hell, my mom's ex husband did it and he could barely wash and dress himself.  If you haven't eaten bread from the oven covered in butter you haven't truly lived.  Mmmmmm.  So, in the spirit of the weather change and the fact I never really thaw from my birthday (Oct. 29) til June, BREAD!

First, a song to get you in the mood for AWESOME!

 Guess what the number one ingredient to toast is?  Bread!

 So, before we get into this, do not be afraid.  The ingredients are cheap, requires about a desk worth of space, and its actually fun and not nearly as sticky and gross as I figured it would be.
I did some searching and ended up here.  First, read the whole recipe, then read the comments.  I cannot stress this enough!  Comments can be a real asset on these sites, just make sure you read a lot of them to kind of feel out who is an idiot and who actually knows what an oven is.

Next, pick your recipe and get all of your ingredients together.  You can pre-measure, I don't.  I used the recipe in the above link with the following changes.  I mixed the salt into the flour so as to not kill the yeast.  I ended up needing a total of about 3 1/2 cups of flour, but I live in Wyoming and we have strange weather patterns so there you go.  Did you know the weather can affect baking?  Weird, huh?  My spaghetti tastes the same no matter whats going on, it could be a monsoon and we would be eating the same food, but I digress.    

I followed the recipe, and it came out looking awesome!  Then, the major problem, I cut into it and it was barely cooked and doughy.  I ate some out of spite but it gave my tumbly the angry rumblies.  Cooked until golden brown at 375 was about 20 minutes, far short of the given 45 minutes time.  I tried again, and ended up with good but very dense bread.  I baked at 350 for 45 minutes and it was bread!  YAY!

Make sure you do all of the time for the rests and do not rush it!

December 15, 2013

Announcement! And Grilled Cheese

This isn't a real post.  Well it kindof is.  I have about 5 blogs I've been working on over the years, and now I've decided to consolidate them.  I caught myself in the middle of launching a news site, and it occurs to me that I've written about that on here.  So you're getting all of the crazy in one place now!  Yay!  So now everything from recipes and crochet to animal rights and caring for your pets is all here.  For starters, lets go to a grilled cheese sandwich.

The Perfect Grilled Cheese Sandwich

This dish gets a difficulty level of 1/10 
Start with:
2 slices of bread
enough cheese to cover one of the bread slices
pat of butter or margarine

Take a small skillet. Throw half of the butter in, and put one of the burners on medium low. Cover one of the bread slices with cheese, topping with the other piece of bread. Set in skillet, lift with spatula after 30 seconds. Next, throw the rest of the butter in waiting until melted. Then put the sandwich back in, unbuttered side down. Keep flipping every 30 seconds to a minute until golden brown or however you like it. Easy, right? This is one of those things that everyone has their own special recipe for. Traditionally this culinary classic is paired with a soup of some kind. Grilled cheddar with tomato soup is one of the most popular comfort foods in the USA.

Budget Version – Use white bread and American cheese slices.  Canned (like Campbell's) tomato soup goes great!  You can also slice the sandwich in strips to use as a dunker for your soup.   Mmmmmmm.

Fancy Pants Version - My son likes his with either American cheese slices and pickles, or Cheddar and ham. My personal fave is french bread with brie cheese. Sometimes I put a little jelly inside too.  My sandwich goes best with a cream of tomato and mushroom soup.  (I'll show you how to make that later.)

This is one of the first recipes I mastered.  When you're just starting to figure out what that room with the sink and fridge is for, mastering anything involving the stove is a minor miracle and very rewarding.  Melted cheese is always delicious, and this can be a lifesaver on a rainy, snowy, or just crappy day.  Make sure to watch your sandwich, as golden brown turns to black veeeery quickly. 

December 13, 2013

Death becomes her

It's been a bit of an odd year.  I like to think I have few enemies.  Sure, some people don't like what I have to say and I can really rub people the wrong way.  Not everyone gets my sick, twisted sense of humor.  In the last yearish, I've had 2 major enemies die.  Its weird.  About a year ago, a girl that was mean to me from the day I met her in the fifth grade took her own life.  Granted, I haven't seen her in almost 10 years, but it left me with a weird feeling.  She had a young child, so I feel for that kid, but...  I can't say I'm not happy I'll never see her again.  Now, a chick that my son's sperm donor was living with while he was sniffing around my ass died in a car wreck.  Situation Clarification - He was living with her, sleeping with me, engaged to another chick, and sleeping with yet another.  I found out, called, lets call her Felicia - the now deceased female he was living with (moron called me from her phone) and told Felicia all about it, and sent her picture proof.  She screams at me and said that I was lying to break them up, and forced Douche-canoe to sleep with me in order for him to see his son.  I replied that he wasn't worth it in bed, as she and I both knew.  Also he had exposed her to an STD, if she didn't believe me she should go with him to the doctor.  She got quiet and hung up on me.  A week later she called me asking about him coming to my house to watch my son while I went on a date.  I told her I didn't date, and I sure as hell wouldn't leave that piece of crap alone in my apartment.  Then she explodes on me about how he's her man, and I needed to leave him the hell alone.  I replied if she didn't want him coming to my house, to yank his leash.  She threatened to kill me next time I left my home with my son, "so he could be with his true parent".  Craaaaaazy, right?!?  This was, oh, 4 years ago?  I think.  Sounds right.  Now I look in the paper, and she's dead.  Car accident.  Its a weird feeling, knowing this person is gone and will never stalk/murder me.  Well, stalk me again.  Then I started dating a guy, and he was her ex-husband and baby daddy.  I thought the crackhead would never leave me alone.  Anyway, she's dead and I feel weird about it.  I only have like 5 actual enemies.  Now two less.  It kind of blows my mind when people I know, people my age die.  But I have this huge hole where my sadness and give-a-shit should be. I feel bad for her family, I feel bad for her kids.  I keep seeing things from her friends about how life won't be the same without her and she will be so missed.  It makes me wonder if they smoked as much meth as she did.  I guess even other junkies will miss you when you're gone.  Thats rude, I shouldn't say that.  Ah, fuck it.  It's true. The sad part is, I guess she was finally clean and had a job.  She probably could have at least made a life for her kids, not that they were a priority.  Wyoming is what's called a woman's state, it takes almost an act of congress for kids to be separated from their mother.  She lost custody of 2 different kids to 2 different dads.  Of course I can sit on my high horse, using what I know of her sad and short life, to justify my looking down on her.  She was a person.  All people make mistakes and do stupid shit.  I never have done meth, and it can make it so a person can throw their life away without thinking twice.  Choices, choices, choices.  Life is all about choices.  I don't know.  This whole thing has left a bad taste in my mouth.  She and I were never friends, but now they'll never be any kind of anything.  I was best friends with her brother for years.  He unfortunately hated me after my ex beat and abused me.  I dumped him and filed for child support so I of course ruined my ex's life.  I hope they both choke.  But I digress.  Her funeral started 10 minutes ago, and here I am at home, feeling weird about my emotions or lack thereof. 

December 11, 2013

Seasons Mermaids

What is it about this season that is so make or break for some people?  I know of a few friends that have broken up 2 of which were over 5 years together.  Another few have gotten engaged.  Its almost like snuggling under the covers gives you an up close and personal look at whomever you climbed in there with.  I, for the first time am in a relationship that I love climbing under the covers with.  Blech, yuck I know.  In every relationship previous, however, I've had that defining moment when your partner's eyes are and inch from yours, and you look deeply into their eyes and think "What the hell am I doing here?  I could be literally anywhere else and perhaps never have to look at you again.  Strangely I'm fine with that."  I usually move out within the hour.  I won't call someone at work, and I have learned to not use the phrase, "We need to talk."  Mostly because it isn't true, we don't need to talk.  I need to tell them that I am neutral about the idea of them getting eaten by a shark.  Past reactions to various breakups are sometimes hilarious, like the time I sang this song:

The guy tried to walk away from me, and I followed him until I finished.  He called me a major bitch.  I have no idea why.  I broke a friends with benefits relationship off with a guy once, and he showed up at my door at 8am (I worked graveyards) pounding on my door screaming about how he loves me and can't live without me.  If this ever sounds like a great idea to get your ex back, just don't.  I still remember how pissed off I was.  He pounded on my window, screaming "Cody!  Cody I don't care if you don't want to be with me!  I love you and we are meant to be together!!!  CODY!!!!"  I kind of opened one eye and took a second to asses the possibilities.  I figured it could only be something like zombies/apocalypse/hurricane/killer bees.  When I realized it was some jack-hole screaming about his feelings that disturbed my precious beauty sleep the dumb sonofabitch is lucky I didn't stick an axe in his head.  I'm not a morning person at the best of times, and this was hardly the best of times.  Who thinks that is romantic?  Pulling a John Cusack from Say Anything, that's romantic.  Or this:

That's super romantic.  Who could say no to that?  I sure as hell wouldn't.  When you think about relationships when you're a lonely single, it gets romanticized.  You see videos like this, and it can drive you right to the ice cream and, if you're me, bloody thrillers.  When I'm depressed/crabby I like to see murders, so sue me.  I start thinking about getting married, loving home with lots of kids and dogs, and then I remember its like this: 

There's a reality check for ya. 

On another note have you seen these videos about Mermaids?  Animal Planet has a new show called Mermaids. 

It blew my mind!  Now granted, this could all be faked, but Animal Planet isn't known for that.  Have you ever seen River Monsters?  Those animals are all real, like the 400lb stingray that, if I remember correctly, eats small children.  Or doesn't.  It did have a stinger that was like a foot long, it looked like a huge bayonet.   
Check it out!

November 19, 2013

Galumph - Poetry Night

November is a time to be thankful, so here's something I'm thankful for.

He is always there, including and especially when I'm peeing.
He's my best guy,
He never lets me forget he loves me,
when I want to be alone,
80 lbs in my lap,
wet face full of slobber kisses.

I have a disability but I have to have light exercise or I get sick,
puking dying sick,
I hate walking.
Must walk the puppy or the puppy eats things,
galloping galumphing frolicky goodness,
flopping ears of an un-graceful gazelle,
I can't help laughing through the pain

Free because nobody wanted him,
Labelled as crazy,
his name was Nuts.  Not even kidding.
Well, I've heard all of that about me too.

How can I pay for the best dog in the world?
How can you buy a child a best friend?
How can you buy a boyfriend a lapmonkey?
We thought he was temporary,
We thought we were saving him,

Our lives are complete thanks to Moosey Wolfson Cline

Good Dog.

He is not responding

"He isn't responding to our behavioral plan."
"Did you try making it actually positive reinforcement based, rather than punishing him randomly and saying its positive reinforcement?"
... Cricket noise.

Back to the school saga with Tristyn. We finally were able to switch schools after the principal decided to suspend my son for a week every time he was involved in any kind of an incident.  I hope she burns in hell of face-herpes.  Anyhoo, the new school was a source of hope.  At the suggestion of the school counsler we started testing for all kinds of things.  Weeks of testing over the summer paid off, we now had most of a diagnosis (it was added to) of SPD, ADHD,and a couple of other related things, including mild autism.  Now we had somewhere to go from here!  I was put in touch with our district's parent resource center, and Ms. Mueller who is a complete dream to work with.  She's very up-front and no bullshit, which I really appreciate.  I'm freaking out, not knowing what to do or what the hell is going on.  I kept thinking that I was going to have to home-school Tristyn but then he would get almost no social interaction.  Great.  Then he would have no social skills and god knows that will just get worse.  I don't want that for him, social interaction is what human societies are based on, so he would miss out on one of the basics of the human experiance.  I worry waaaaayyyyyy too much.  There was a lot of me falling apart, and my little man wondering why he was always being treated differently than the other kids.  He wasn't allowed to play with other kids at recess, he always had an adult right next to him.  He was only going to school for half days, when all of his peers had been doing full days for over a year.  It was mind-numbing and crazy.  It drove me completely crazy.  Suddenly, my madre appeared at my door.  Ok, that isn't that strange, we have a close relationship.  Not creepy close but I talk to her once a day usually.  The amazing thing was what she had in her hand.  This book!  Go check it out, I'll wait.  That book seriously saved my ass.  I asked for an IEP (individualized education plan) and got one!  Tristyn was evaluated, and it was deemed that he really did need special services.  Imagine that. 

To be continued...

October 30, 2013

Scary Words

There is a heart stopping moment when someone with the title of Doctor says to you, "severe deficiency" in reference to your child.  Tristyn has had issues in school, ever since preschool.  It's always been obvious that he was, what I like to call, quirks.  It really never occurred to me it was more than that.  "He's a weird kid.  I was a weird kid, his bio dad was a weird kid, eh.  He'll be fine."  As he grew and developed, it became more than quirks.  His quirks had quirks.  When he was 2, Tristyn would run from one end of my 1,200 sq ft apartment to the other, bouncing off the wall and laughing.  His tantrums weren't louder or longer than any other kid I knew (which is like 3) but they would come with the slightest provocation.  He's always been a bright child, memorizing dinosaur names and statistics like he was taking a college exam.  He started educating the volunteers at the Tate Geological Museum, our local dinosaur mecca when he was 4 years old.  We had problems with his kindergarten year.  His teacher and the resource teacher, along with other staff didn't know what to do with him.  They were just baffled.  As was I.  He wasn't violent at home.  When he felt that he or one of his friends was threatened, he immediately reacted, harshly.  I remember an incident when he first started kindergarten, 5 yrs old, and I got a phone call.  Tristyn had seen a 5th grader (10-11 yr old) picking on a kid in his class, so he ran across the playground and double kicked the 5th grader in the head.  Good theory, bad practice. Or at least that's what I figured, until it kept happening.  Sometimes it was a kid getting close to him in class when he was at his desk.  He was isolated to a desk when the other children sat together at tables.  He would constantly wander away from his desk to be with the other kids.  His teacher didn't understand why.  He had constant trouble focusing, and would get reaaaallllllly off topic when he was trying to avoid doing something.  Or, you know, lock himself in the bathroom.  The principal was constantly calling me, asking me to keep him home for the day or to come and pick him up because they couldn't handle him.  They told me to spank him, take away all of his toys and earn them back, points systems, and none of it worked.  Seriously, not any kind of a change other than my sweet child was under huge stress and crying constantly because he said he was broken.  His brain was broken and it made him do things and he was so sorry mom.  I got to hear all of this through my sobbing baby's tears.  I hated having to physically drag him out from under his bed screaming and crying that he didn't want to go back, because he was just going to get in trouble.  He was usually right.  He was always hungry, and even got in trouble for stealing food.  I was almost investigated for not feeding him.  I did, and he eats like a hummingbird.  Constantly.  He is incredibly impulsive and has no filter.  The reason the school had such great records of his incidents is, Tristyn wouldn't lie about it. 
"Why is Jimmy crying, Tristyn?"
"I punched him in the face."
Well, the teachers were baffled.  When asked why, sometimes all he could come up with was "My brain made me do it."  What?  What does that even mean?  We had one behavioral interventionist come to a meeting, and then we had another meeting.  And another meeting.  It seemed like we had the regulars (principal, teacher, resource room teacher) and then a rotating group of so-called professionals.  I think I cried at almost every one of those meetings, sometimes in the parking lot.  Counselors, psychiatrists, administrators, and god only knows what else.  Nothing was working, until we got a new behavioral interventionist that actually cared, and a counselor that noticed things I never saw. 

I'm breaking this installment off here.  If any of this sounds familiar about your child, I urge you to talk to your school counselor about testing for ADD, ADHD, SPD, and autism.

August 17, 2013

Breeding is not for everyone

Breeding.  Having cute little puppies in your home, and when they're a bit older, they go to loving homes.  Sounds fun and easy right?  And at $400-$1,000+ an easy way to make money, right?  Not even close.  Proper breeders do not make money off of their animals.  There are many ways to figure out if you have a proper breeder.  First, they only breed one, MAYBE two breeds of dog.  Any more, and you are probably dealing with a puppy mill.  Good breeders focus on their dogs, making sure that not only are they conforming to the AKC standards, but improving the breed.  Temperament, attitude, and drive (according to breed) are also very important qualities but not always seen by the judges.  However, you will know since this dog will be a member of your family.  If you're looking for a cash cow to use as breeding stock and not wanting to put time into your animals, breed cows.  Fish.  Anything other than dogs.  Good breeding dogs are happy, well mannered, and loved dogs.  Getting good, pedigreed dogs is just step one.  Next, you have to raise them until they are old enough to be bred safely, usually 2 years old.  Before you breed, the dogs have to have health checks, including blood work and certifications to prove their eyes/hips/everything else is the best, and puppies are likely to be healthy.  All of this work has to happen before you even breed your first bitch.  See what I mean about work?  Now think about what breed you want to do.  Now go to Petfinder and see all of the dogs of that breed that are in shelters.  Think about this, a very high amount of those animals will never make it out of there.  In the USA alone, there are around 10,000 dogs put down every day.  EVERY DAY.  Did you see all of the purebred dogs?  Go back and check, I'll wait.  Scary right?  No one wants the cute bundle of love they spent so much time making sure was the perfect pet to be cast aside into a shelter, or much worse thrown into a cage and murdered.  Guess what?  Every one of those dogs represents at least one litter of puppies that were not well thought out, bought by people that were not ready to be a good dog parent.  Yes, sometimes there are unavoidable situations that can land a dog in a shelter, like the owner dying.  Most of the time, dogs are turned into a shelter for the owner's convenience.  A new baby, moving, and not having as much time are the most common reasons for surrender.  Am I the only one, or do these seem like the lamest excuses in the world?  Anyway, I digress.  Unless you are willing to work for it, lose money at it, and face perhaps having to keep puppies or take them back if the buyers can't keep them, don't be a breeder.  Please, don't make more babies to fill the shelters.  Every dog in there was someone's puppy, probably from very nice parents.  Yet they're dying from the inside out by living in a cage, abandoned by the ones they loved.  Instead, why not adopt a puppy from a shelter?  They have them all of the time.  Look here, over 20,000 puppies available.  If you want a particular breed, there are many breed specific rescues that can help you find your ideal friend.  Good luck!  If after this long rant you are still interested in breeding, find a good breeder in your area to help you get started.  Also, the AKC is always a good place to start.  Look at their breeder of merit program.  *end rant*

And so... it continues.

Portal to the Demon Underworld, complete with rubber duckie.
   So we moved the washer and dryer, to find this.  I am 99% sure that this is a direct portal to the demon underworld, as I could hear the sounds of thousands of souls screaming.  Scary, no?  I was able to kilz the walls, and Pop with Marcus are working on making a new floor, or demon gate.  Either.  Perhaps both.  Like that "I prefer and" commercial.  Have you seen it?

Now you have.
Weird right?

August 10, 2013

That is not a thing! Stop making stuff up and pretending its a thing!

Big huge peeve.  Not a pet peeve darling, something that garners an instant rage reaction in myself.  Mutt dog, everyone likes them right?  Did you know that people are selling "designer dogs", aka glorified mutts, for hundreds of dollars?  Backyard breeders are people that breed dogs with no care to anything but making money off of it.  Since designer dogs by definition are not regulated or papered by AKC, it is easier for these BB to get away with selling non-health checked, inferiorly bred animals.  The bitches are mated over and over again, putting severe stress on them and making it so the pups are not developed as well.  The parents of the puppies are rarely health checked, passing on severe genetic conditions such as epilepsy, hip dysplasia, even eye problems and terminal heart conditions.  With the creation of the "goldendoodle" (which the guy that bred these dogs for the first time now deeply regrets ever doing, by the way) people started mixing and matching several breeds.  I've seen a lot of strange mixes going for several hundreds of dollars and it makes me want to scream.  The people breeding the dogs are advertising the animals with some ridiculous claims.  No dog in the history of ever has been hypoallergenic.  Dogs are not ever meant to be left alone with children.  If a dog is under 10 lbs, it is not meant as a playmate for small children.  Make sure you research all of the breeds involved so you can make an informed decision.  Keep in mind that any trait/combination of traits from any of the breeds involved could come out.  I recently saw Pug/Yorkshire terriers for sale as "Pugshires".  Now the puppies are cute.


The adult dogs, however, not so much.
Or we can look at another mix I've seen, the Pomeranian/Husky.  Now, looking at these puppies, my heart melted.

But you have to think, what will I most likely get out of this pairing?  A slightly smaller husky looking dog?  Cool!  Then you remember that huskies are very loud yodelers, and poms yap constantly.  Both are high energy breeds and huskies are strong.  Both breeds are independent and strong willed.  Both require a lot of grooming.  Now we see the downfall of these designer breeds.  You don't get the best of both breeds when they are mixes, you get a diceroll of genetics.  I am a huge advocate of rescues, and these types of dogs are what fills them.If you are thinking about adopting, please visit the shelter, and let the money hungry backyard breeders get a real job.

July 7, 2013

Definition - Lifestyle

There has been a lot of talk around about lifestyles, and "alternative" lifestyles.  This makes me wonder, do I have a lifestyle?  I have a fairly predictable schedule at this point, but lifestyle?  Lets look, shall we kids?  According to  a lifestyle is
"1. a set of attitudes, habits, or possessions associated with a particular person or group
2. such attitudes, etc., regarded as fashionable or desirable
3. NZ
a.  a luxurious semirural manner of living
b.  (as modifier) a lifestyle property"
Hmmm.  This is making no sense to me.  It seems that the word "lifestyle" is the same as decor groups, this is Mediterranean, this is beach cottage.  I don't see the world in terms like this I guess, so lets see if we can delve deeper into this rabbit hole.  

Lifestyle Magazine you would think is a good place to start, but I' not so sure.  The website states "
Lifestyle Magazine offers a close look at health, relationships, finances, and other real-life topics. It is informative, moving, and sometimes disturbing, but always relevant! Lifestyle Magazine provides help and hope for the challenging issues of today’s world."  Maybe that's what kind of lifestyle I have, disturbing.  But it sounds like they think a lifestyle is everything involving life.  Interesting.  Hypothesis - Lifestyle is the style in which you live your life.  Problem - How would you qualify that?  Or quantify it?  
The choices we make determines our lifestyle, according to Lifestyle-Movement.  This leaves me asking, and?  What does it all mean?!?  

Lifestyles seem to have no direct definition of types, at least none that I can find.  I've heard reference to the Gay Lifestyle, Bohemian Lifestyle, and Alternative Lifestyles, but these seem to be air words, or words that actually have no meaning.  As far as I can tell, these phrases of nothing are here to divide something interesting and involving many layers and quirks.  Oh, yes, I'm talking about the American culture.  Can we stop having these air words now?  They do make me crabby. 

June 29, 2013

Fix one problem and find 5 more

So, you saw some of the pictures of weirdness.  This trailer has been nothing but weirdness.  I take something out or fix it, and then its another disaster.  We unhooked and moved the dryer from the bathroom, and found where the floor was kind of soft.  Then, we tried to take out the washer.  Oh dear gawd.  The water was spraying everywhere inside the walls and the floor was mostly melted with a nice layer of filth on top, like a nasty doom cupcake.  After we cut up the carpets in the back room, we realized it had 2 pads underneath.  The hall carpet had... more carpet underneath.  That's right, when we lifted the carpet there was another layer under it.  It looks like that in the kid room also, like they just threw new carpet over the filthy stuff they already had.  There was a built in dresser in the kid room, we had to dismantle it when I realized the sub-flooring was stained with feces of some kind.  I'm not sure why, but they also glued the carpets to the underneath of the paneling.  So my 2 week maybe a month cleanup is not even half done.  The kid room is almost totally kilzed, as is the back bedroom.  The backroom floor isn't started yet, as I'm still cutting carpet out of the walls.  OUT OF THE WALLS!  Augh.  The bathroom isn't even started.  We have to take out most of the floor, the cupboard, peel the walls, cover the walls and ceiling with kilz, rebuild the floor, kilz it, and cheer a victory against scary nastiness.  In fact, I'm leaving in a few minutes to go do all of that.  In the heat.  Ugh.  It will be worth it when its done.  I can't wait for it to be done. 

June 28, 2013

Hepatitis Trailer

We are making serious progress.  The ceiling is kilzed, and we got a lot cleared out.  The falling apart pantry is gone, as are the dishwasher (whoever heard of a gas-run dishwasher?), washer and dryer.  Quick fact - if you list something for free on a site where most people are selling things for outrageous prices, people will jump on it like kids at fat camp on a cake. Thank you facebook! 

Marcus hauling off what used to be the scary front porch

This is the weather stripping on the back door.  Yes, that is cardboard and staples.

Pudding cup in the walls.

Terrifying ass goblin Marcus found behind the refrigerator. 

Where the wallpaper used to be!

SuperFluffy peeled it all off!  It was 8 billion degrees in there.

Terrifying geese painted on the kids room wall

I was sad I had to paint over all of this, but the walls had to be sealed.  There was so much filth that it had soaked into the walls and sub-flooring.

Cool right?

You can see some of the staining here.

It was pretty bad here.

Moose, our new puppy helping.  He's 9 months old and 65lbs.

Chewy happiness.

Bridget, my brother's dog, is not amused by Moosey Wolfson.

Luckily, they used vinyl paint for the inside of the medicine cabinet so I was able to use a phillips screwdriver to get the screws out, rather than the allen wrenches I would normally need. 

Medicine cabinet after I took it off.  I'm going to clean it, kilz it, and use it as a shelf.  Bam!

Top layer = vinyl paint.  Middle layer = contact paper.  Last layer = actual wallpaper.

I think we found the leak.

Possible shackles found in the yard.

June 17, 2013

PRT - What is that smell?

Floor cleared!  Mostly.
  After clearing the floor, at least mostly, I started on the walls.  I never really thought about washing walls before, I would wipe corners but I never really felt the need to scrub walls from top to bottom.  Of course I haven't lived anywhere for more than about 6 months at a time before.  Of course, I never thought that I would be cleaning feces off the walls either, but there you go.  I started in the living room, and just went in a circle around the whole place.

 Can you see the nasty?   Anty, Fluffito, and Oleander all helped me deal with this mess.  Anty braved a scaey ass murderous spider.  It looked like this.  AUGH!  I saw 3 of them.  I swear that one had a bandanna on and a shiv in it's hand.  TERRIFYING!!  So we took some TSP to the walls along with some 20x orange clean stuff.  Took it right off!  My camera is angry right now, but pics will be posted soon.  

June 6, 2013

Project Restoration Trailer Day 1 - Making A Path

So Marcus and I were able to score a mobile home on the cheap.  Whoohoo!  Of course, that means it needs some love and care.  It wasn't abandoned so we don't have to try to evict wildlife.  I love how we are peeling away at this place, one layer at a time.  The outer layer is, in a word, filth.  Like so:

Do you hear the sound of serial killers in the bushes?
This was taken after a day of cleaning and the left side of the porch was cleared.  As the layers come clear, I can see how it is coming together to become a nice home for us!  Can you tell I'm excited?!?  I've never lived somewhere I could even paint before.  Now, I can do whatever I want, and the landowner is letting me go nuts on landscaping!  Whooo! 
Living room when we walked in.  The cleaner of the rooms.  Popa Bear gazes in amazement.

The smell of animal feces and urine slapped us as we walked in.  Oooof.  Popa Bear, an avid non-smoker, asked me to light a cigarette to help with the smell.  I've been using cheap face masks from the hardware store and they helped a ton!  My mom used to threaten me with taking a snow shovel to my room to clean up the clothes and books.  She literally used a rake and a snow shovel  to clear an amazing amount of this stuff.  All but a layer of silt, anyway.  I was able to finish it up with a vacuum and some baking soda pet smell eater carpet sprinkle.  Now we can walk on the floor!  Yay!

May 13, 2013


I've started writing a new book.  I've gotten a bit burned out on the first one for now.  Its post apocalyptic and the main character stabs a guy on the second page.  Not quite Jenny Lawson's masterpiece (which involved running into a skinned deer) but I'm having fun with it.  Ive seen a lot if old demons this week and it reminds me of things I've lost and gained.  I want to put my experiences into it, but what to put?  Even a true life story wouldn't include every detail, but my life is weirdness in the details.  Perfection in the details.  I get lost in details.  Where am I? 

Marcus and I got a house!  We are staying with my mother (homicidal mommy unit) while we fix it up a bit.  Some paint, a couple of throw pillows, and just like in Young Frankenstein it'll be just like home.  My incredibly generous grandparents gave it to us, and we are so excited!  I walked into this project knowing one thing, I want a yellow happy sunshiny kitchen.  I have no idea how to do anything really with building or remodeling besides paint.  I've helped do the actual painting and that is it.  I tried to put together a bookshelf from a big box store once, and it was, well, .  A fucking disaster is more accurate though.  I'm having fun on the DIY Network and Pintrest getting ideas for what I want to do.  I decided on a coastal cottage theme, and I'm loving it!  For neat-o things I want in my house click here!  I also have a new landlord that owns the lot.  He seemed like a nice, clean-cut yuppie type, and offered to pay for any landscaping I want to do.  My jaw almost hit the floor.  I can grow anything I want?!?  Ya'll that is the first time I've heard that from any landlord.  Of course since we own the trailer its most likely that we will be there for a while.  Oooooh I'm so excited!  I'm gonna have strawberries, and tomatoes, and all kinds of fun stuff!  I would love to have a cherry tree.  I'd like to have one tattooed on me too.  Like this one.

April 20, 2013

That is not taking care of things

So I slept all day.  I woke up this morning, laid in bed with a book, and then took a nap.  Marcus told me not to worry and he would take care of everything.  I guess taking care of everything now means "I'm going to eat the rest of your cookies and play xbox."  TOTAL DICK MOVE.  Plus the laundry i folded is still where i left it which means nobody put it away.  Technically I'm supposed to do that but I wanted it to be someone else's job today. 

In other news, things have settled in my life in an unexpected fashion.  I am now a stay at home housemother.  I am rather enjoying it.  Lots of work but it opens the ability for me to awesome stuff, like the following picture of my boyfriend's cat that is too fat and lazy to care if I dress her in crazy shit.  PuffyFluff is interested in ham and not much else.

April 8, 2013

My house is a weird dinner party

You know that moment at a fancy party where you not only realize you were just talking about how your mother lectures teens about herpes and anal sex for money, and then the room got really quiet and everyone heard you?  That is my house except for the fancy clothes and normal people taking up space.  Also my cats dont like parties, but they do enjoy silently judging me and plotting.  Except Nikita, she's too much of a goober to plot.  Poopy (Princess Poopy Pants) is my cat and my son and I fight over her.  Goddess only knows why.  She is spoiled and snotty.  She's not really a nice kitty and is a picky eater.  She seems to think she's a show cat rather than a grey dickbag I got for free out of a trailer.  Bitch.  But she's mine and i love her.  She also doesn't step on my stomach and make me want to lock her in the bathroom.  Also she doesn't careen around the house crashing into things.  Those would be my 6yr old and Nikita.  We got Nikita like 2 weeks ago from a lady on the internet.  She said her daughter had allergies and they needed to get rid of her asap.  I figured it was crap until i showed up for the cat and this adorable 4 yr old little girl was wheezing like Janis Joplin after a bender.  The nice family (that's how i think of them now, instead of those lame asses that couldn't come up with a decent excuse to dump their cat) paid for her to get fixed too!  The lady thought she was about 8 mo.ths old.  When we got to the vet tho, we were told she's 3-4 years old. 
So now we have this bizarre cat i was planning on keeping temporarily and finding a good home for, and Marcus-husbandface wants to keep her.  Its like living with an autistic drunk with no depth perception.

March 21, 2013

My cat is screwing with me I just know it

My cat Princess Poopy Pants (its the only thing she would answer to) is plotting.  I have owned her since she was 10 weeks old and she has never really been what you would call a nice kitty.  Or a sweet kitty.  Sure she'll rub on you if she wants something but otherwise she treats humans like house elves.  She doesn't want to see you and she doesn't care how you feel about it.  For 10 years she has been like this.  A couple of years ago a cousin dropped off a cat she had and couldn't keep, Queen PuffyFluff.  PuffyFluff is 15 now and enjoys ham and sleep.  That's about it.  So I keep walking in on this.  Scary, no?  Poopy is grey.  Grey and evil.  I caught her cleaning PuffyFluff the other day too.  The world is ending i can just feel it.  PuffyFluff is not amused.

January 20, 2013

I can make a circle with string!

I learned how to crochet a circle!  Marcus was not impressed.

me: I learned how to make a circle!

Marcus:  Cool.

me:  It really is cool.  Now I can make more stuff!

January 9, 2013

Not real.

Ignore me, I'm not real.

January 7, 2013

New format and stuffs!

Stumbles of the week!
Coolest picture I have seen in a long time.
Yay for photobombs!
Science of dogs
A bunch of places I need to go.

On to the regularly scheduled content.  And stuff.

I found a ton of full Dog Whisperer episodes on YouTube.  Yes, I am very excited by that.  My mother has a dog named Dougie.  Well, he started out my dog, then my son decided it was his dog.  Then we had to move out, and my mom asked to keep Dougie til we were on our feet.  Now she is going to keep him.  The only problem is she refuses to work with him.  The dog has lived with her for almost 2 years now, and she is barely able to take him outside since she knows nothing about dog training.  Since Dougie is no longer affected by Kennel Cough or any of the other nasty ailments he had, she wants to work with him now.  He came from the local high-kill shelter, and was really screwed up.  He is a cocker mix (so the long hair) and you could see his ribs.  He didn't bark.  Now we can't get him to shut up.  I used a couple of the things I saw on the show, plus my own technique, and now is getting much better.  Hopefully soon we can even use the local dog park!  Here's hoping!

January 1, 2013


I'm sorry.  I had a lot of personal and professional demons to deal with here lately, and it was all too much.  I realize now, especially the tone that America has taken here lately, that there is too much negativity in the world.  I became guilty of it here, in my own life.  I became sucked into negativity.  Strange to think such a thing would happen at Christmastime, but there you go.  Shootings, mass murder, genocide, and too much yelling at the kids.  Here we go, another year come and gone.  I am not in the place I want to be, and with each passing year I can feel myself farther and farther from my goals.  I find myself reevaluating myself and my goals.  Then I see something like this.

So, I have decided to shut down and completely re-vamp this blog.  The world needs to change, and I am changing my world.  Thanks, and peace easy.