April 8, 2013

My house is a weird dinner party

You know that moment at a fancy party where you not only realize you were just talking about how your mother lectures teens about herpes and anal sex for money, and then the room got really quiet and everyone heard you?  That is my house except for the fancy clothes and normal people taking up space.  Also my cats dont like parties, but they do enjoy silently judging me and plotting.  Except Nikita, she's too much of a goober to plot.  Poopy (Princess Poopy Pants) is my cat and my son and I fight over her.  Goddess only knows why.  She is spoiled and snotty.  She's not really a nice kitty and is a picky eater.  She seems to think she's a show cat rather than a grey dickbag I got for free out of a trailer.  Bitch.  But she's mine and i love her.  She also doesn't step on my stomach and make me want to lock her in the bathroom.  Also she doesn't careen around the house crashing into things.  Those would be my 6yr old and Nikita.  We got Nikita like 2 weeks ago from a lady on the internet.  She said her daughter had allergies and they needed to get rid of her asap.  I figured it was crap until i showed up for the cat and this adorable 4 yr old little girl was wheezing like Janis Joplin after a bender.  The nice family (that's how i think of them now, instead of those lame asses that couldn't come up with a decent excuse to dump their cat) paid for her to get fixed too!  The lady thought she was about 8 mo.ths old.  When we got to the vet tho, we were told she's 3-4 years old. 
So now we have this bizarre cat i was planning on keeping temporarily and finding a good home for, and Marcus-husbandface wants to keep her.  Its like living with an autistic drunk with no depth perception.