July 24, 2014

Did someone drag me behind a horse and i just forgot?

Ughaghugh.  I'm so tired.  I'm watching season 4 of RuPaul's Drag Race, and Moose hunting flies.  I've drank a pot of coffee, had a hour and a half nap, and still feel like I'm going to die.  I just can't survive on 4 hours of sleep anymore.  I'm 29 and far too old for this shit. 

In other news, we went camping!  Whooo!  We've got an ADHD 7yr old, ADD 5 yr old, and a 4 yr old.  Oh god what did i do? So technically this isn't a real post yet.  This is a post to let you know I didn't forget about you, I just ran away from civilization.  I almost didn't come back, but I ran out of underpants.

July 13, 2014

Am i?

Am I still the same person I was back in the day?  You wouldn't recognise me, I wear heels and much less eyeliner.  I have responsibilities now, instead of a knife collection.  I look at situations now and think if this was 15 years ago I would have just screamed obscenities at you until you left me alone.  Instead I have to be nice to you since our kids are in the same class.  Its also hard to look in the mirror sometimes.  My Grandfather says he looks in the mirror, but some old man is in there staring at him.  There's some chick in mine, she looks overweight and tired.  What happened to the bright eyes and high cheekbones?  And her hair?  It just lays there like an old rug now, what happened?  There was a time it flowed up and around, like an elegant bouncy drape to frame my face, now it hangs there, like the curtains in a haunted house.  Tattered, and in ruins.  My face, my body, what is this physical thing that people see?  Or worse, my clothes and makeup.  Do they see that as me? The baggy t-shirt and sweatpants, worn because regular clothes are so restrictive.  Especially with this skinny jean, skinnier shirt trend.  I look pregnant on a bad day.  Ugh.  But a new day dawns.  I have hope, and a plan for the future. 

July 9, 2014

Gypsy Cart

I woke up this morning surprised I wasn't in my gypsy cart.  I keep having this dream I live in a sheepherder's wagon in the woods.  Its so quiet and peaceful, I wish I was there now.  Its a million fricken degrees in here, even with 3 air conditioners.  I'm meeeelting, meeeeelting. 

In other news, I'm going to see a new doctor soon.  Wheeee.  I was referred to a psychologist when I met my last new doctor, a general practitioner.  Apparently its not normal or healthy to hide in your house and be so run down you can't breathe.  Huh.  Medication was suggested.  *Sigh* 

July 3, 2014

Its a fresh one

A fresh piece of hell that is.  I want to will myself into feeling better.  I will let you know if that ever pans out.
I've found my dream home, I'm going to build a tiny house on wheels.  Now all i have to do is come up with the money for it.  And figure out where to build it, and where I'm gonna park it.  Also i have to figure out how I'm going to build it with no building experience whatsoever.  I'm very blessed, my wonderful friend David has offered to help me and he just graduated college with a degree in building awesomeness, so I'm super excited!  Architectural Engineering is what he called it but whatever.  Tiny house!   My mom laughed at the idea of Moose, my 100+ lb. puppy in a tiny house.  According to my calculations however, less house = more yard.  More yard = more frolicking space for Mr. Moo.  All he does inside is lay under my feet anyway.  All i need is a job now. 

June 28, 2014

Tyler I Love You

I lost my bird.  He passed today, I found him on the bottom of his cage, unresponsive.  I've had Tyler Birden in my life for 12 years, but I'm not sure how old he was.  He wasn't very friendly, he hated people touching him, and only really loved his mirrors.  Snoop dogg too.  He wasn't my best friend but he liked me as much as he liked humans.  He was afraid of hands, so that impeded his relationships with most people.  I loved the way he stretched his beak when he whistled, and sat on my shoulder content for hours, then would go back to his cage. He's under the roses now.  I wish I knew how old he was.  I'm not sure why that bothers me now, but it does a bit.  Sweet bird.  I miss him.  I don't hear the random tapping sound of him headbutting his mirrors.  It took Bro-Face several years, but he finally taught my birds to do an incredibly annoying parrot squack.  Tyler would do it randomly, and it would scare the crap out of me. Soot (his surviving companion) only does it when he sees Bro-Face.

He was a particular bird, an odd bird, but a sweet pet.   Well, we enjoyed each other, anyway.  I hope he had a good life.  I did what I could to provide that for him.  He got birdie time, flying around the house.  I played his favorite songs for him, like this one.

I miss him.  I can see their cage from where I spend most of my time, the kitchen.  I am watching Soot right now run around in the cage, poor guy.  
What is he doing?

BAHHH!  Birdie eyeball of death!

Paparazzi!  Go away!

Seriously?  Go.  Away.

He was aloof, and not cuddly.  Like a Siamese cat, or a bear.  Did I mention how he loved Grape Nuts, and mirrors?  I keep listening for him.  All of these thoughts fly through my head at random intervals since I picked up his lifeless body from the bottom of his cage.  I saw him there, and I just reacted.  The second my hand wrapped around his beautiful plumage I knew that he was gone.  Never, in the entire time I knew him did he ever let anyone ever pick him up.  A couple of people tried, and they were very lucky he allowed them to keep their fingers. He was a generous boy.  
I love you Tyler Birden, I miss you, and my life will never be the same without you.  Green pastures and fair winds my love.

June 15, 2014

Messages from the land of forgotten thoughts

I've been looking at some past drafts, and want to share with you some of the weird thoughts that never quite panned out into an actual post.

     Creepy stares and bitey monsters  - I'm watching a kind of old movie called Creepshow.

     Wyoming Injustice - In Wyoming, it is an ugly but accepted fact that the police and courts are corrupt and do as they please.  January 30, 2012 was a red letter day for justice in Casper as

     Generation Z? - What shall this up and coming generation of kids be called?  I remember the pepsi  commercials for my mother's generation was called Generation X.

     Peeing In A Cup Sucks - Several states are considering forcing citizens on public assistance to urinate in cups and test them for drugs.  I know it is generally referred to as UAs or Urinalysis, but peeing into a cup while a stranger watches you is what happens.  This idea seems to be gaining momentum through the conservative ranks, and it scares me.  Are poor people thought of as so far below these so-called representatives that the poor aren't allowed to have basic human dignity anymore?  Hell, it was like pulling teeth to get some of these candidates to turn in their tax return paperwork, what would they do if they were forced to drug test?  I have noticed that not one of the people trying to push this through have offered to have themselves drug tested.

Strange days - I am coming up on my 30th birthday.  The big 3-0.  Not bad for someone a lot of people thought wouldn't live to see 25.  I'm taking a mini vacation today.  My madre is out of town so I'm crashing on her couch.  My son is with her, so I have a chance to catch up on things, like my life.  I'm using this time to take a long, hard look at my life.  I rather enjoy my job, so no problem there.  I haven't been taking as good of care of myself as I need to be.  I haven't been sleeping, haven't been staying on my diet.  I haven't been exercising either, and have been informed by the doc I've gained 20 lbs. in the last 3 months.  WHAT!?!  I'm about 15 lbs heavier now than I was the day before I delivered my son.  Clearly this needs to change.  I wish there

 Medical Issues TMI - So, I'm pretty sure I have Psoriasis.

 No Priest Needed - The house is veeeeeery close to done!  Thanks to the insane efforts of my Mumsey and Popa Bear!  Yay!  I am so excited, I can't wait to move into it!

 SOundbites and podcasts - Soooo, I don't watch regular TV.  I have been getting into podcasts lately, and here are some of my favorites and awful awful wastes of time. Podcasts are audio or video recordings much like TV shows.  In fact, some of them are.  I download and watch mine on Itunes for free.

Annie's Bits - Short, hilarious, American news show.  Awesome!

 Fun Stuff! -
 Roseanne Barr for President!  http://www.roseanneworld.com/blog/2012/08/rnc-vs-dnc-will-medical-marijuana-decide-the-election-2/

Bad bugs in my head - I woke up

Gut ache -  Ugh.  I've felt like a distillery for days

 I trusted you - I trusted you and you betrayed me.  I believed your words.  I took them into my heart where they dug their hooks in.  Internal bleeding where thoughts should be.  When your words broke apart it tore my heart to pieces.  Bloody chunks of my life lay at my feet while my chest gapes before you.  I lost my life that day.  I scramble to pick up the pieces of my heart, and my head falls off.  I'm left in a pool of my own blood hearing "I'm sorry." Sorry doesn't heal.

Weird stuff.  Have you ever started a book/journal entry/scrap of paper, then didn't go anywhere with it?  What did it say?

June 8, 2014

Ah! My health!

So I'm starving, and have been for days.  Weeks.  I'm stressed, and I am a terrible depression/stress binge eater.  I found out I've gained 30 lbs in the last year, 20 of that in the last 3 months.  My relationship is going less than no where fast, and I've been too sick to work.  I haven't even wanted to leave my house.  Lack of nutrition will cause you to feel starved, even if you're pounding food.  I have to stop trying to survive on saltine crackers and ramen, and fattening fried or super processed foods when I feel good, sending me back into pukeytown.  I'm making my low fat potato soup right now.  I just throw diced potatoes, diced carrots and diced onions into chicken broth, simmer for a half hour.  (People with normal digestion, feel free to add celery here.)  Then I chop some mushrooms, add some chicken base, throw them in with some 2% milk, and simmer another half an hour.  Bam!  Done.  Its been a long day so I added water and made it kinda thin.  I always have to keep an eye on the budget of a meal, and easy availability.  I absolutely hate it when you see something that looks super yummy and I can't read/don't recognize half of the ingredients.  Elaborate things like that are fine if you have a professional kitchen and live in a big city, I live in a very rural area.  Escargot is a hard to find item here, ok?  Also, I have a simple kitchen, so you can put away your chestnut roasting pans.  Actually, on the subject of equipment, I would suggest getting a cast iron dutch oven and skillet.  They will last longer than you will if taken care of properly, and you can use them for anything pretty much, from cakes to soups.  But I digress.

Aunt Cody's Gastro Diet

Number One Rule For Dieting - DO NOT change everything you eat overnight.  Start with baby-steps, or you will crash and burn.  Always follow a doctor's advice, and following any diagnosis make ABSOLUTELY SURE you talk to a professional about the diet you need.  Follow their advice.  Seriously, when they say something will make you sick, they aren't kidding.  My doc told me to stay away from bacon, and I ate it anyway because bacon is my super double fave.  I died for three days.  Don't make my mistakes.  
Make sure you take time to eat at least 3 meals and 2 snacks per day, you will burn fat faster.

Keep track of your water, you need at least 8 glasses.

Slow down on the dairy, get the lowest fat version available.  If you're cooking with it, the difference is harder to taste.

Make sure the food you do eat is actually food.  The closer to raw food, like an apple with cheese slices vs apple with store bought caramel sauce.  Can you read the ingredients of the sauce?  Hmmmm.  Corporations put ingredients in food like natural flavorings which is actually secretions from a North American Beaver's butt. so you're always better off with real food.  

Pair guilty pleasures with twice as much healthy stuff.  You get the taste you crave, plus you have taken the guilty out of your pleasure by eating healthy at the same time.  Crave cheese, ham, bacon, eggs, and turkey?  Cobb Salad anyone?  Just use a huge amount of healthy greens, like spinach and kale, and low fat dressing, you're eating healthy!  WITH BACON!  Well, healthier anyway.  Baby steps, remember?

Pick an exercise, and do it for at least 15 minutes a day.  It can be anything as long as you are up and moving.  Pick your favorite 4 dance songs, and get down with your bad self.  Seriously, its that easy.

If you have a cell phone, set alarms for everything you need to get done.  The water, when you need to eat, your workout, all of it.  Do it now before you talk yourself into staying exactly where you are.  Make sure you set them to repeat, or you will forget.  Don't lie to yourself, you know you will.  Did you think I was kidding?  Seriously, take your phone out right now.  I'll wait.  *hums Jeopardy theme*  K, done?  Good.

Get enough sleep.   Take naps if you can.  Schedule yourself enough sleep.

Take care of your skin, its your biggest organ and your first defense against the world.

Make sure you get some sun every day, it provides vitamin D and helps your body absorb calcium.

Juicing is a great way to get your fresh veg in.  If you have regular digestion, fresh veggies are better for you, because normal people need the insoluble fiber to clean out their bellies.  Gut scrapers are your friend.  If you're like me, throw an apple, a carrot, some pineapple, and a beet or 2 in the juicer and enjoy.  Good stuff, that.  There are those that hate the idea of eating fresh veggies, or don't enjoy doing it.  Juicing is a good way to introduce yourself to the flavors.  If you eat the regular American diet, at first your taste buds will be confuzzled by these new foods, and their lack of sodium and fats.  I personally dreaded it at first.  Then after experimenting and getting used to the different tastes and textures, I came to crave it. 

Slow change is good change.  If you drop a lot of weight quickly, you will most likely gain it back.  Plus your skin can't keep up and it gets all gross saggy.  Eww. 

If you're a phone junkie like me, apps really help.  I use MyFitnessPal.  With Gastroparesis it is really important to keep a food diary. 

Don't feel like you have to be perfect.  A donut will not ruin your life.  A dozen donuts are a terrible idea though, so exercise moderation.  A donut and a tasty and healthy fruit smoothie, after staying with the diet?  Good do.  I can do one treat like that once every 2 weeks or so with minimal backlash. 

Drink tea instead of soda or coffee.  There are literally thousands of varieties easily available over the internet if you are in a super rural area.  Check your local grocery store, or if you have a hippie store ask them.  They will be able to point you in the right direction.  If you have any specific health needs, there are many teas to help you.  These are some of my personal favorites.


And that is the basic rundown of what I need to do.  Let me know if any of this has helped you!