June 28, 2014

Tyler I Love You

I lost my bird.  He passed today, I found him on the bottom of his cage, unresponsive.  I've had Tyler Birden in my life for 12 years, but I'm not sure how old he was.  He wasn't very friendly, he hated people touching him, and only really loved his mirrors.  Snoop dogg too.  He wasn't my best friend but he liked me as much as he liked humans.  He was afraid of hands, so that impeded his relationships with most people.  I loved the way he stretched his beak when he whistled, and sat on my shoulder content for hours, then would go back to his cage. He's under the roses now.  I wish I knew how old he was.  I'm not sure why that bothers me now, but it does a bit.  Sweet bird.  I miss him.  I don't hear the random tapping sound of him headbutting his mirrors.  It took Bro-Face several years, but he finally taught my birds to do an incredibly annoying parrot squack.  Tyler would do it randomly, and it would scare the crap out of me. Soot (his surviving companion) only does it when he sees Bro-Face.

He was a particular bird, an odd bird, but a sweet pet.   Well, we enjoyed each other, anyway.  I hope he had a good life.  I did what I could to provide that for him.  He got birdie time, flying around the house.  I played his favorite songs for him, like this one.

I miss him.  I can see their cage from where I spend most of my time, the kitchen.  I am watching Soot right now run around in the cage, poor guy.  
What is he doing?

BAHHH!  Birdie eyeball of death!

Paparazzi!  Go away!

Seriously?  Go.  Away.

He was aloof, and not cuddly.  Like a Siamese cat, or a bear.  Did I mention how he loved Grape Nuts, and mirrors?  I keep listening for him.  All of these thoughts fly through my head at random intervals since I picked up his lifeless body from the bottom of his cage.  I saw him there, and I just reacted.  The second my hand wrapped around his beautiful plumage I knew that he was gone.  Never, in the entire time I knew him did he ever let anyone ever pick him up.  A couple of people tried, and they were very lucky he allowed them to keep their fingers. He was a generous boy.  
I love you Tyler Birden, I miss you, and my life will never be the same without you.  Green pastures and fair winds my love.

June 15, 2014

Messages from the land of forgotten thoughts

I've been looking at some past drafts, and want to share with you some of the weird thoughts that never quite panned out into an actual post.

     Creepy stares and bitey monsters  - I'm watching a kind of old movie called Creepshow.

     Wyoming Injustice - In Wyoming, it is an ugly but accepted fact that the police and courts are corrupt and do as they please.  January 30, 2012 was a red letter day for justice in Casper as

     Generation Z? - What shall this up and coming generation of kids be called?  I remember the pepsi  commercials for my mother's generation was called Generation X.

     Peeing In A Cup Sucks - Several states are considering forcing citizens on public assistance to urinate in cups and test them for drugs.  I know it is generally referred to as UAs or Urinalysis, but peeing into a cup while a stranger watches you is what happens.  This idea seems to be gaining momentum through the conservative ranks, and it scares me.  Are poor people thought of as so far below these so-called representatives that the poor aren't allowed to have basic human dignity anymore?  Hell, it was like pulling teeth to get some of these candidates to turn in their tax return paperwork, what would they do if they were forced to drug test?  I have noticed that not one of the people trying to push this through have offered to have themselves drug tested.

Strange days - I am coming up on my 30th birthday.  The big 3-0.  Not bad for someone a lot of people thought wouldn't live to see 25.  I'm taking a mini vacation today.  My madre is out of town so I'm crashing on her couch.  My son is with her, so I have a chance to catch up on things, like my life.  I'm using this time to take a long, hard look at my life.  I rather enjoy my job, so no problem there.  I haven't been taking as good of care of myself as I need to be.  I haven't been sleeping, haven't been staying on my diet.  I haven't been exercising either, and have been informed by the doc I've gained 20 lbs. in the last 3 months.  WHAT!?!  I'm about 15 lbs heavier now than I was the day before I delivered my son.  Clearly this needs to change.  I wish there

 Medical Issues TMI - So, I'm pretty sure I have Psoriasis.

 No Priest Needed - The house is veeeeeery close to done!  Thanks to the insane efforts of my Mumsey and Popa Bear!  Yay!  I am so excited, I can't wait to move into it!

 SOundbites and podcasts - Soooo, I don't watch regular TV.  I have been getting into podcasts lately, and here are some of my favorites and awful awful wastes of time. Podcasts are audio or video recordings much like TV shows.  In fact, some of them are.  I download and watch mine on Itunes for free.

Annie's Bits - Short, hilarious, American news show.  Awesome!

 Fun Stuff! -
 Roseanne Barr for President!  http://www.roseanneworld.com/blog/2012/08/rnc-vs-dnc-will-medical-marijuana-decide-the-election-2/

Bad bugs in my head - I woke up

Gut ache -  Ugh.  I've felt like a distillery for days

 I trusted you - I trusted you and you betrayed me.  I believed your words.  I took them into my heart where they dug their hooks in.  Internal bleeding where thoughts should be.  When your words broke apart it tore my heart to pieces.  Bloody chunks of my life lay at my feet while my chest gapes before you.  I lost my life that day.  I scramble to pick up the pieces of my heart, and my head falls off.  I'm left in a pool of my own blood hearing "I'm sorry." Sorry doesn't heal.

Weird stuff.  Have you ever started a book/journal entry/scrap of paper, then didn't go anywhere with it?  What did it say?

June 8, 2014

Ah! My health!

So I'm starving, and have been for days.  Weeks.  I'm stressed, and I am a terrible depression/stress binge eater.  I found out I've gained 30 lbs in the last year, 20 of that in the last 3 months.  My relationship is going less than no where fast, and I've been too sick to work.  I haven't even wanted to leave my house.  Lack of nutrition will cause you to feel starved, even if you're pounding food.  I have to stop trying to survive on saltine crackers and ramen, and fattening fried or super processed foods when I feel good, sending me back into pukeytown.  I'm making my low fat potato soup right now.  I just throw diced potatoes, diced carrots and diced onions into chicken broth, simmer for a half hour.  (People with normal digestion, feel free to add celery here.)  Then I chop some mushrooms, add some chicken base, throw them in with some 2% milk, and simmer another half an hour.  Bam!  Done.  Its been a long day so I added water and made it kinda thin.  I always have to keep an eye on the budget of a meal, and easy availability.  I absolutely hate it when you see something that looks super yummy and I can't read/don't recognize half of the ingredients.  Elaborate things like that are fine if you have a professional kitchen and live in a big city, I live in a very rural area.  Escargot is a hard to find item here, ok?  Also, I have a simple kitchen, so you can put away your chestnut roasting pans.  Actually, on the subject of equipment, I would suggest getting a cast iron dutch oven and skillet.  They will last longer than you will if taken care of properly, and you can use them for anything pretty much, from cakes to soups.  But I digress.

Aunt Cody's Gastro Diet

Number One Rule For Dieting - DO NOT change everything you eat overnight.  Start with baby-steps, or you will crash and burn.  Always follow a doctor's advice, and following any diagnosis make ABSOLUTELY SURE you talk to a professional about the diet you need.  Follow their advice.  Seriously, when they say something will make you sick, they aren't kidding.  My doc told me to stay away from bacon, and I ate it anyway because bacon is my super double fave.  I died for three days.  Don't make my mistakes.  
Make sure you take time to eat at least 3 meals and 2 snacks per day, you will burn fat faster.

Keep track of your water, you need at least 8 glasses.

Slow down on the dairy, get the lowest fat version available.  If you're cooking with it, the difference is harder to taste.

Make sure the food you do eat is actually food.  The closer to raw food, like an apple with cheese slices vs apple with store bought caramel sauce.  Can you read the ingredients of the sauce?  Hmmmm.  Corporations put ingredients in food like natural flavorings which is actually secretions from a North American Beaver's butt. so you're always better off with real food.  

Pair guilty pleasures with twice as much healthy stuff.  You get the taste you crave, plus you have taken the guilty out of your pleasure by eating healthy at the same time.  Crave cheese, ham, bacon, eggs, and turkey?  Cobb Salad anyone?  Just use a huge amount of healthy greens, like spinach and kale, and low fat dressing, you're eating healthy!  WITH BACON!  Well, healthier anyway.  Baby steps, remember?

Pick an exercise, and do it for at least 15 minutes a day.  It can be anything as long as you are up and moving.  Pick your favorite 4 dance songs, and get down with your bad self.  Seriously, its that easy.

If you have a cell phone, set alarms for everything you need to get done.  The water, when you need to eat, your workout, all of it.  Do it now before you talk yourself into staying exactly where you are.  Make sure you set them to repeat, or you will forget.  Don't lie to yourself, you know you will.  Did you think I was kidding?  Seriously, take your phone out right now.  I'll wait.  *hums Jeopardy theme*  K, done?  Good.

Get enough sleep.   Take naps if you can.  Schedule yourself enough sleep.

Take care of your skin, its your biggest organ and your first defense against the world.

Make sure you get some sun every day, it provides vitamin D and helps your body absorb calcium.

Juicing is a great way to get your fresh veg in.  If you have regular digestion, fresh veggies are better for you, because normal people need the insoluble fiber to clean out their bellies.  Gut scrapers are your friend.  If you're like me, throw an apple, a carrot, some pineapple, and a beet or 2 in the juicer and enjoy.  Good stuff, that.  There are those that hate the idea of eating fresh veggies, or don't enjoy doing it.  Juicing is a good way to introduce yourself to the flavors.  If you eat the regular American diet, at first your taste buds will be confuzzled by these new foods, and their lack of sodium and fats.  I personally dreaded it at first.  Then after experimenting and getting used to the different tastes and textures, I came to crave it. 

Slow change is good change.  If you drop a lot of weight quickly, you will most likely gain it back.  Plus your skin can't keep up and it gets all gross saggy.  Eww. 

If you're a phone junkie like me, apps really help.  I use MyFitnessPal.  With Gastroparesis it is really important to keep a food diary. 

Don't feel like you have to be perfect.  A donut will not ruin your life.  A dozen donuts are a terrible idea though, so exercise moderation.  A donut and a tasty and healthy fruit smoothie, after staying with the diet?  Good do.  I can do one treat like that once every 2 weeks or so with minimal backlash. 

Drink tea instead of soda or coffee.  There are literally thousands of varieties easily available over the internet if you are in a super rural area.  Check your local grocery store, or if you have a hippie store ask them.  They will be able to point you in the right direction.  If you have any specific health needs, there are many teas to help you.  These are some of my personal favorites.


And that is the basic rundown of what I need to do.  Let me know if any of this has helped you! 

June 7, 2014

Gastro death

I've been getting sick again.  The stress of life currently and certain food choices have made it impossible for me to feel good.  I've made bad choices and I keep making them.  So, I'm back on the hunt for low-fat low-fiber foods, diets, and recipes.  It's always interesting to see what people put on the Internet in regards to this, and I have to be careful.  There are plenty of nuts out there convinced that since bulk fiber is good for most people, it must be good in large amounts for everyone.  These people make me want to scream.  Good sites will let you know that you have to be careful on this diet to get all of your nutrients.  If you're new to the low-fiber diet, go here, to Food to Glow, a cancer diet site.  Weirdly, its usually people with cancer or are recovering from colon surgery have to eat the same diet I do.  The difference is they get to go off of it eventually.  I really shouldn't.  I do, and there are always consequences.  I cannot face living the rest of my life without bacon, OK?  Don't judge me. 

Anyhoo, looking for food, and I learned something.  Stay off Yummly, it will just make you mad.  I searched ""low fiber" "low fat" diet blog recipes" and everything that came up was high fiber.  Jerks.  LIVEStrong is a good overview, but nothing, dare I ask it, inspired?  I'm so bored of chicken broth and overcooked rice.  Canned veggies are not tasty.  I just found this thread on Chowhound, and it has some amazing ideas.  Meals For You has some suggestions and ways to search by fat, or carbs, and its very clear.

Next, we have the less than useful information.  You know, 90% of the Internet?  This forum thread is totally insane and has no real info in it.  It is a great example of the stupid things people say on the Internet.  Fun stuff.  Or what I saw when I searched recipes.

No, wait.  I said... Nevermind.

     On another note, I have some recipes of my own.  If you roast some veggies in the oven, this is a good starter recipe.  I personally don't use the balsamic, it makes it too acidy for me.  But this softens whatever veg you have in the fridge wonderfully.  After they're done, throw them in with some chicken stock.  I make my soup fairly brothy, especially if I'm not feeling great.  If you want chicken, feel free to throw some in with the veggies.  Raw is ok, because you're going to be simmering this bad boy quite awhile.  Don't forget to check your chicken before you eat it, it has to be white all the way through.  I turn it up to high, then when it starts bubbling I turn it down to where it simmers.  I leave it, stirring every couple of minutes or so, for at least a half an hour.  Use a potato masher or good sized fork to squish everything up nice and soft.  When its done, let it cool for a few, then enjoy.  I also have been known to take just a tad of olive oil, soften some onions and leeks on low.  Next I throw in some diced potatoes, and cook that down.  Just when a little brown starts to show, cover everything with at least 2 inches above the potatoes with chicken or vegetable broth.  Simmer 20 minutes- half an hour.  Bam, soup.

What are your best angry gut recipes?

June 3, 2014


I'm tired. Tired of being admired.  Tired of love uninspired.  I'm so tired!

I even know why.  I haven't been taking care of myself.  I've been forgetting things, losing track of things, letting life slip by me as I scramble to catch up.  I've gone off my schedule, and stopped eating healthy.  Again.  I seriously need to stop doing this.  I decide to be healthy and that I'm tired of feeling bad.  Next thing I know its 10:30pm and I've eaten half a bag of chips and ramen for food all day.  I want to get up at 5am every day, but I find myself staying up every night until 1 am.  Oooops.  I have to have 9 hours of sleep a night and I haven't gotten it in weeks.  Could be the amount of soda I've been drinking.  The excessive smoking doesn't help either.  I know people my age that are in great shape with amazing careers.  Granted most of them don't have kids, but that doesn't mean that I'm not better than them.  Ha!  When I was 18 I had this idea in my head, that I can be fit, have beautiful clean children, a job I love, the perfect relationship and a clean home.  Oh, and I do the whole thing in heels.  Nice thought, right?  Now I know, children are not clean, nor am I having more than one.  Being fit takes more work than chips, which is obvious yet ruins my life just a bit.  You have to find things to love in a job.  There is no perfect relationship, just one that works enough.  OMG if I dated the perfect man I would probably murder him.  The bastard would make me look bad.

My son is gone for a week with family (my Madre and Bro-face+family) and this is my big chance to reset my world.  Also, I've gotten more quality time with the boyfriend, and that's neat.  Here's where I get started on getting shit done.  Tonight, I'm going to bed at 8pm, since I never get a damn thing done after then anyway.  I can get up at 5, and have a couple of hours to throw up and make coffee.  Walk the dog, then start my day.  I have to take time to do my yoga too.  I have to actually use a food diary and drink 8 glasses of water a day.  I need to juice.  I have to walk the dog once a day or he's an unreasonable turd.  Rah.  Now I am filling up my phone with alarms to get all of these things done, and I see my days laid out for me.  Now that is scary, knowing what I'm going to be doing every day.

 I remember a time when I would wake up and every day was a magical adventure.  I had no idea where I was going or what I was doing, but it was so much fun.  Now I have responsibilities, to myself and Mr. Monkeyface.  Also the boyfriend, to a degree.  And my family, though that has been an odd balance beam to toe down.  I need to connect with them more, and more of them.  I am very blessed to have been raised with the idea of family with no blood relation.  Most of my blood relatives and I don't talk, for one reason or another.  I do have a good Facebook relationship with my half sisters, they seem like cool people.  I of course have my sweet grandparents (3), the lovely-yet-deadly Madre, Bro-Face, Sis-In-Law I love so much Sarhot, Hazely-poo the Princessbutt niecey.  But most of the people I call family are not related to me at all.  I have brothers, sisters, homies for life.  I keep talking about moving, but short of me buying a compound or my own island, its not going to happen.  At least, I won't go far.  Maybe Laramie.  I like Laramie.  It's Wyoming's version of Portland.  Maybe someday.  For now, I own my own home, and need to get myself healthy.  Oh a rigid schedule.  I've never actually done this, and I'm pretty nervous.  I feel almost like I'm putting myself in boot camp.  I've gotten lazy with myself, and my life.  I was getting so much done, I got sick, and I never quite retrained for life.  I got lazy in my off season, time to fix it.  This pep talk really needs to get more motivation behind it.  I'm going to do this for myself, my family, and my life!  Yeah!  I'm going to get up early, and go to bed early, since collapsing into bed every night exhausted is not working out at. all.  Going to bed early!  Yeah!  Up early!  Yeah!   WHOOOOOOO!  Ok, I feel slightly better about this.  On an ending note, look what my yard looks like, before and after!
Dead and full of crap.  Yay!

Full of weeds, but life!  Yay Life!
The first steps have been taken on my invasion of the yard.  We have a brick path that goes *most* of the way across the yard, and a rosebush Tristyn picked out is next to the steps, so that it is the first thing I see when I pull up.  It's been a cold summer so far, the earth seems angry. 

June 2, 2014


The human experience is strange.  Every moment, there are almost 7 billion humans thinking.  How many epiphany moments is that?  How many of those thoughts are of joy, or love?  How many are destructive or vengeful?  Walking through life in your own path and only seeing through your own eyes is so very... shallow to me.   I sometimes dream of living in Paris, or herding cattle in Africa.  To experience life as another person is fascinating to me.  A shared moment with another person, or being, is one of life's greatest experiences.  Looking into another person's eyes and knowing that you're thinking the exact same things at the same time.  We form committees and groups to build on ideas, and form solutions.  I believe we should take one random person from each country in the world, and put them together in a round room to solve the world's problems.  Communication at this point in time is fairly easy, even Google Translate can change English to Afrikaans in the blink of an eye.  I say give each group a month, then change them out for new people.  Give each group one problem.  For example, what steps can we take to end world hunger?  The next group checks their work, then moves on with their own problem.  The membership of this group would also have to be completely random.  Sure it sounds like the UN a bit, but that, like most organizations, is run by rich old guys.  This is clearly not working, and never will.  In America almost all of our lawmakers are white men over the age of 60.  Most of this country doesn't fit in that demographic.  We have a half-black president now, which is a step in the right direction.  However, it would be nice to be able to actually vote for a president, since we bill ourselves as democratic.  But I digress.  It would be nice to have someone besides special interest groups working for the betterment of the whole world, but sometimes it seems like they are the only ones who care.