July 13, 2014

Am i?

Am I still the same person I was back in the day?  You wouldn't recognise me, I wear heels and much less eyeliner.  I have responsibilities now, instead of a knife collection.  I look at situations now and think if this was 15 years ago I would have just screamed obscenities at you until you left me alone.  Instead I have to be nice to you since our kids are in the same class.  Its also hard to look in the mirror sometimes.  My Grandfather says he looks in the mirror, but some old man is in there staring at him.  There's some chick in mine, she looks overweight and tired.  What happened to the bright eyes and high cheekbones?  And her hair?  It just lays there like an old rug now, what happened?  There was a time it flowed up and around, like an elegant bouncy drape to frame my face, now it hangs there, like the curtains in a haunted house.  Tattered, and in ruins.  My face, my body, what is this physical thing that people see?  Or worse, my clothes and makeup.  Do they see that as me? The baggy t-shirt and sweatpants, worn because regular clothes are so restrictive.  Especially with this skinny jean, skinnier shirt trend.  I look pregnant on a bad day.  Ugh.  But a new day dawns.  I have hope, and a plan for the future.