So I randomly found this restaurant in Zanzibar, called The Rock. It looks like a shack in the middle of the Indian Ocean. As it turns out, that is exactly what it is. I want to go there. I am currently searching flights to see how much i need to save up. It looks like about $1,800. I wonder if I would take anyone with me. Well Oleander, of course if I can get her to leave her house. She hates people, and has Social Anxiety. I think sometimes thats why she keeps me around, I talk to anybody and everybody. Well I have gotten a little pickier after some creepy stalking incidents, but still, I could make best friends with a rock. I want to go somewhere with clear beautiful waters and no snow. I love the snow, but where I live I get to see it and ice for about 10 months out of the year. How does one travel internationally with no money? Maybe I could find somewhere a little closer. Ecuador sounds awesome too. At least going to the Galapagoes Islands does. I want to see the massive flowers and weird animals. Like a marine iguana. They swim in the ocean, and do their lizardy thing. That is what I want, to sit on a rock and swim in the ocean and do my lizardy thing. I find myself drowning in America. I tried going to school, and for several reasons it didn't work out. Therefore, it will be hard for me to make enough money to keep my son and I alive without government help, much less get to take him or myself anywhere. I have been working for 11 years and at this point I have nothing to show for it. I'm almost 30 and still working for minimum wage, possibly because I'm scared to go for anything better. Terrified that if I try to better my life all I will do is fail. I am so tired of failing. I know that Abraham Lincoln lost 8 elections, failed businesses, and suffered numerous personal tradgedies before becoming one of the most memorable presidents in history. I keep thinking, I should work harder. I should do better. I have to be better. But better than what? Better than myself, of course. I failed at family, Louis' biological dad texts me every once in a while to remember that. I of course will never recieve child support, the state determined it was not worth their time. Trying to keep your head above water at minimum wage is a losing proposition if you have a child. I'm very blessed that my mom is willing to watch him for free, because working full time my paycheck is less than daycare for him. I have cheap rent because I have roomates, but rent, plus food, plus gas for my car (no public transport is not available) I start out in the red. Perhaps I can find balance with a career, I can only hope.