January 12, 2014

Career Mom

Having it all depends on what all you want.  Once you know what all you're looking for, you'll better know it when you see it.  Or have it.  I've heard a lot since I was little about how any woman can have it all if she tries hard enough, works hard enough.  Of course, they never tell you what "all" is.  There are vague ideas of babies and a full career, maybe some images of cookie-baking and making lots of money.  Now many women are feeling lied to and disillusioned after either working 90 hour weeks and not having enough time for sex much less babies, or having a few kids and realizing the job market and their skills don't line up to making enough money to cover the kids in daycare.  I wanted a child, and never really thought about the far reaching consequences because at the time, we were going to be married.  I was going to stay home with the kiddo and work on my writing while he worked whatever job.  We'd be married, have a house and a dog, and all of that picket fence stuff.  That whole plan fell apart when Douchecanoe went to prison but that is another story.  I had this idea about having a few babies, maybe 3, and traveling the world.  High finance, big business, big money.  That kind of thing.  Of course I would be able to watch my son take his first steps.  However, reality sets in.  Any woman that goes back to work 6 weeks after having a baby is a hard-core badass or a serious masochist.  Salute to you ladies, between the horrific things going on with my body, having a small human completely dependent on me, and the lack of sleep from all of those things plus, you know, life, I can't imagine trying to work on top of all of that. 

I digress.

My version of it all was working and being the breadwinner.  I had this ideal for almost a couple of months.  I was on track for promotion, even was looking at moving out of state.  Marcus was working part time but taking care of Tristyn.  And then I got sick.  Nice.  It turns out that I've had a condition called Gastroparesis my entire life, and a major abdominal infection made it so bad that now I can't work.  Sweeeeet.  So now I'm what I swore I would never be, a housewife and stay at home mom.  Instead of writing up reports and drawing up contracts, I see this:

As I Star Wars fan I do love the fact that my dog is part Wookie, but being a housewife is hard.  I never get that feeling of walking out of work and knowing that I don't have to look at anyone in that building for at least a day on my days off.  I don't get days off anymore.  My job gets tedious sometimes.  It happens.  But my having it all now means I get to write, and I have a chance to help my son.  So I do have it all, just not all I thought.  Its working though, mostly.  This place I'm at in my life seems to be working better than anything else I can think of, or really any other time in my life.

Let's end with a song!

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