Rainbows

Flare day!  Yay!  Yay because I can still feel pain which means I'm alive.  I can get out of bed today, even though I feel sick every time I stand up.  I am alive.  ALIIIIVE!  I have a neighbor that lost part of his foot last week due to not taking care of himself and his diabetes.  I look back on this last week, and all of the crying and praying to realize I am blessed and continue to be blessed.  I have a good life friends and neighbors.  I have an extensive family from the Hiskey, Wait, Ross, Bland, Allen, Pieroni, Hoffman, Barelle, Gonzalez, Gordon, Wright, Harmon, Sexton, Williams, Brodbeck, Bennett, Neubauer, Morris, Brown, and so many other last names.  This is just off the top of my head and in no way includes everyone.  How much time have I wasted feeling alone?  Wow, the list surprises me.  I am getting my house fixed up, I have a wonderful and hilarious kid, and the sweetest boyfriend that I only want to bury in an anthill some days.  Good times girl.  Now just to figure out my purpose in life...

Have you ever thought, I'm __ years old and I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING WITH MY LIFE!!!  Aughhhhh!!!

So 30 has been a bit weird for me.  I keep thinking I'm not in my 20s anymore, I have an 8 yr old that I have to teach to get along in the world and I still feel like a homeless artist with no paint.  BAh!  I have found some paint, in a way.  My yarn.  I made a shawl for my grandma Louise with different stitches in the brightest barbie pink I could find.  Grandma has Macular Degeneration and she can see bright colors.  I'm currently working on a rainbow blanket and it feels so good.  I've been researching fiber crafts and pioneer arts.  I find it fascinating when people can take pretty much nothing and make something wonderful from it.  I'm learning to do that with food too.  I was raised by a working mom, so we did a lot of microwave food.  Now i'm learning the joy of real flavors and food made of, well, food.  I'm thinking of documenting that journey here as well.

Blah spring break.  I'm going to bed.

Motivation! Whoo!

If you've ever been here before, there is something you may have noticed.  I am not a sunshine and rainbows type of person... most of the time.  I'm coming out of the closet.  The mental illness closet.  I've struggled for as long as I can remember with depression, anxiety, and melancholy.   I am continually reminded of how blessed I am, and how I am not alone.  Darling, you are not alone.  Yes, you.  The one reading this right now.  I know you're there, I see your pageviews and comments and see you.  You are never alone.  But not in a super creepy way.  Well, slightly creepy.  Even when you don't feel beautiful, you are.  I haven't really felt beautiful since I got really sick.  I touched on it a couple of times, but I didn't live it.  Now I remember myself, the self that is beautiful without makeup and feeling like crap.  Still beauty baby!

Yeah.  So anyway, you are still beautiful, even when you feel like this my love.  Smile!  I'm gathering what I'm calling brain glitter.  Glitter in, rainbows out.  Out of my head!  Get it?  I want to be more of the upbeat and happy person I know I can be.  So, lets do a top 5!


Top 5 Things That Make Me Happy Today:

1- This video always makes me giggle!






2- The bravery of this little girl, Jazz.  She's a spokesmodel now and I hope more people find out about her and her story.

3-  This video of my dog, Moose.

4- Jujubee is wonderful!  She is wicked sparkly, and always bubbly.

Love her!

5- Freerice.



Freerice is a trivia game that donates rice to starving people!  Fun and awesome!  Subjects include different languages, art, quotes, and geography.  Feed the starving and make yourself smarter.  Bam!   Win-win baby!


So don't forget I love you, and I'll see you on the ice!

Good Morning Ya'll!

It's a new year again!  Well, it was.  I have been off, on a refocus mission in my life.  Have you ever sat down and actually thought about what is important in your life?  A re-evaluation of self, the meaning of life, the universe, and everything?  42.  And that's life.  So, I did.  And it sent me into a spiraling depression.  I mean, bad.  I see the sun again, and it's a good day.  I'm throwing a review/recommendation at you today, just know I am not getting paid or compensated in any way for this.  At least, not by the website.  I do get compensated if you click on the ads on here, which makes you instantly cooler (at least to me.  Because you're contributing to the future dream of me paying for my own internet.  Thank Goddess for library wifi.) and goes to a totally good cause, me!  :)  I digress...

The Flylady is amazing!  I really can't say enough good things about this TOTALLY FREE website.  This is basically a system for people that aren't organized or have too much going on (anyone with kids, I'm looking at you) and need to get control of their worlds.  I was a work from home/ part time student/ single mom of a toddler while watching my niece 12 hrs a day, also a toddler.  The kids were clean, but I and my house were a nightmare.  I'm not horrified at the thought of someone needing to use my bathroom anymore!  I've never been organized in my entire life.  I used to say i organized in piles.  Yeah, that's a huge lie.  I just tried to keep a rolling inventory of everything I owned and where i put it.  Easy when you're homeless and all of your possesions fit in a backpack, impossible to insanity-making for a student with an apartment, forget the kid's stuff.  I shudder just thinking about it.  I had a wonderful friend suggest the site, and I said theres no way this can work, its too easy.  Just one new thing a day for a month.  Simple stuff, and nothing over 15 minutes.  Most of it takes 2-3 minutes.  IT REALLY IS THAT EASY!!!  Seriously, come over to my house and see my shiny sink, clean bathroom, bedroom floor (I forgot the carpets weren't made of clothing) and my kitchen table.  Yes, I have an actual table, not just a base for the horrifying amount of paperwork and flyers for everything from boy scouts to pizza sculpture in my kitchen!  Please help yourself, it is so easy and fun!  Love yourself and don't be ashamed of your home!

Thoughts on THOTs

Am I too old already?  Maybe I'm over it, can't be bothered already at *almost* 30.  I kept seeing THOT on the internets, so of course I  had to look it up.  Did you know that means That Hoe Over There?  How very degrading.  Attractive women are now sideline furniture.  Cute.  That table over there sounds about the same to me.  I see a lot on the assorted media available about how feminism is over, and its not needed.  Everything is status quo, there's no such thing as a Rape Culture.  Go back to your televisions.  It concerns me deeply when I'm talking to a veteran teacher about a student's bullying problem, and they don't know him by name but by dress, and say "Well if he dresses that way then I'm not surprised he's a target."   WHAT?!?  In what universe is victim blaming ok?  He's a boy in high school that wears makeup and sparkly pants.  He's a nice kid, but he can't go to school without threats of physical harm.  Why?  Because of the way he presents himself.  It physically sickens me.  "She was dressed like a slut, no wonder she was raped."  "He's a fag, no wonder he got his ass kicked."  I guess I don't get it.  Isn't there supposed to be more tolerance now?  Aren't people supposed to be more aware of bullying, and the consequences?  From suicide to Columbine, there are a lot of them.  How long does it take to climb out from oppression?  Wait, never mind. 

Strategies

I'm horrible at strategy games.  Ridiculous amounts of horrible.  My cousins all wanted to play chinese  checkers with me when we were kids because I always lost.  A few years ago, a person I was dating tried to teach me chess.  I will play games like that for the fun of it, but I go in knowing I'm going to lose.  By teach, I mean call me names and make fun of me the entire time and refuse to be useful.  So he captures most of my pieces, and laughs at me until I told him I could win in one move.
Jerkface - "There's no way."

Me - "No, seriously.  In one move."
Jerkface - "How?  I don't believe you."

I upended the board, scattering pieces everywhere while yelling, "Sheblam bitch I win!"

Jerkface - "What the f&*: Cody?!?  You can't win like that!"

I sat down calmly in the ruin of gameness.  " Yes, I can and did.  Weren't you looking?" I replied.

Jerkface was sputtering, " But... but... that's against the rules!"

"Says who?"

"Its in the rulebook!  You can't win by just throwing the board!" He was really starting to get angry now.

"Well, I have a book that says woodland creatures live in a medival abby and have adventures.  Is that true too?  I think you're just mad I thought of it first." 

I left him red faced and sputtering. 

Bucket List

Ever since the movie "The Bucket List" came out, I've been hearing people talk about theirs.  A bucket list is a list of things you want to accomplish before you die.  Maybe its because we are American this idea appeals to us so much.  Our jobs and industries, culturally, have no real meaning anymore.  We work too long at jobs we hate to buy crap we don't need.  A bucket list gives us a sense of purpose, and makes us feel like we've lived life.  Me personally, i love lists.  So of course, I'm working on mine. 

1- Quit smoking

2- Take Tristyn out of the country.

3- Publish a book, even if I'm selling it out of my car.

4- Be fluent in Spanish again.

5- Learn to speak Italian, then go to Italy.

6- Sing on a stage

7- Visit Russia

8- Ride a speedboat thru the canyons in New Zealand

9- Play with a member of the large feline family

This is what i have so far, but I need ideas.  For gawd's sake, I'm going off Dr. Dorian in Scrubs.  Do you remember that show?  Better question- What is on your bucket list?  Tell me in the comments!

Off

Off my schedule, out of my mind.  Its the first week of school and now I have to get up at 6:45am, do meal planning, etc.  Puke.  Sometimes this stuff makes me want to run screaming into the hills.

So, I stayed way too late at my friend Kathys.  Ooops.  Its been nothing but stress in my house.  First week of school, tension with Marcus, scheduling, forgetting to walk the dog then he trashes the house multiple times because he's a bored airedale.  Also a douche-dog.  Bah!  Don't forget the 5,000 other things I'm worried about, like being overweight and needing new glasses.  I can't sleep.  My internal clock is still on summer, but the child person gets all whiny if you don't feed him.  In fact, if the food isn't forthcoming, there's 2 cats, a dog, a cockatiel, & a 7 yr old all yelling at you.  Every time I thought I wanted a baby (except once) I've gone out and gotten a furry one.  This ends up with lots of fur everywhere, but cheaper than kids.  Less work if you keep to cats.