Flare Town

Population : Me.  I feel good, then an hour later I'm down.  I'm folding laundry, Next I'm nauseous.  Id say I wish it would pick something, but it usually picks comatose.  I feel like I never really get anything done.  I'm so tired.  I sleep a lot, and still feel tired.  Sometimes the only time i feel well enough to function its time for me to go to bed so i can get up and take care of the Mr. Man.  I feel bad for not being a better housekeeper, or active parent.  I can be boring.  Ah, well.  I did have a fun moment with Marcus yesterday.  We were joking around, and I entered "buttsex" in the search bar on Netflix.  This is what happened.

Yes.  Magic School Bus is totally what I meant. 
In other news, school is starting .  Any parent of a special needs child can tell you that can be a special slice of hell.  Not only do we have to start in with a new schedule, but new busses, new class helpers, etc.  Wheeeeee.  So by the time Tristyn the boy gets used to his schedule and new people, its Christmas break.  

Pain

I feel like someone broke into my house and beat me.  I started a new rule today- any day i wake up throwing up then poop my pants, I'm going back to bed.  I'm not having it.  Am i alive?  I stiill feel pain, like I'm full of angry bunched up muscles.  Small angry pain tigers curled everywhere in my body, stretching and clawing their ways around me.  Chest tight, stabbing and constricting with each breath.  Combined with my regular health issues, unbearable.  I did it to myself.  Not apurpose, mind you.  (I love that word, a'purpose)  Smoking.  Ah yes, if I'd only avoided the damn cigarettes I would be in much better shape than I am currently.  The same could be said of soda and booze too I'm sure, but those smokes can be murder.  I'm actually smoking one right now.  Terrible, awfully nasty habit.  I'm trying to switch to a vape (e-cigarette) but its not the same.  Regular cigarettes are dirty.  Vapes are not, and i miss that dirtyness.  Its the last real vice i have.  I used to have many, and spent a fair amount of time "discovering myself".  By "discovering myself" I mean basically doing anything and everything i felt like in that moment.  Yes, now I'm paying for it, but i don't regret those decisions for a moment.  I had my son fairly young (22) but I am done with that life, and have been since before he was born.  But it calls to me sometimes.  The night breeze whispers through my hair, reminding me of adventures to be had, and fun to revel in.  That time is gone.  I have lessons to drive the kiddo to, along with teacher meetings and working a regular job.  No more do I follow my fancy, from party to party, man to man, friend to friend.  Life was so fluid, so... shining.  I miss that.  Now I have the comfort of routine.  Strange, the tradeoffs we make in life.  I have no regrets looking back, but some of my choices were interesting.