RuPaul and Craigslist

Oooooh girl!  RuPaul's Drag Race Allstars will be on soon!  The show airs Oct. 22nd on LogoTv (and their website should have it the next day).  Whooo!  Check out some of the shadiest moments here!
http://www.newnownext.com/rupauls-drag-race-the-ultimate-shade-countdown/10/2012/

When I have an awful day (like today) I like to look at the personals ads on Craigslist.  Not to hook up, but to look at and make fun of.  Some look like legit "I just want to hook up and I don't want some crazy calling me all the time" posts, which I understand and respect.  However, the ones I love to ridicule are... well like this one.  Explicit penis picture (you have been warned)  This guy.  Not only is his penis not impressive, but the other picture makes him look like a total putz.  Seriously?  A pic of your average dick and another photo of you playing mini golf with the family is what you put up for a hookup?  I can't imagine why you don't have a girlfriend, dude.  You want either a long term relationship or no strings attached?  Can you fucking pick something?  Those are not anywhere close to each other!  I wish people would figure out what they want before they do this, its like going to the store hungry.  I want this, and this, and this, but they get home and go, shit I didn't get any of the things I needed.   Its because you don't know what you want, much less what you need dillhole!  Figure out what you want before you wave your junk around on the internet.  Dumbass. 
Or this guy.  "Hey. I'm 29. 6'. 195 lbs. I'm told that I'm good looking. If your looking for fun let me know."  See his magical post here  Can I be looking for someone that can form sentences?  Who told you that you are "good looking"?  (which is subjective at best)  Was it your mom that told you that you were pretty sweetie?  If the only thing you have going for you is your looks, why did you not include a picture?  The best part is his post is titled "any sexy girls want to ride a real cowboy?"  Yes, this is clearly the best way for you to meet women.  Or the only way.  If I think you aren't "good looking" can I sue you for false advertising?
Ending with this guy.  See it here I wonder if he knows his wedding ring is in the picture.  No words for the amount of stupidity involved here, I hope your wife finds out.

Random Treasures

Due to recent medical issues, I have spent a fair amount of time in and out of hospitals.  Ugh, right?  Anyway, when you show up at the hospital they ask you a lot of rediculous questions, like "I see you've been vomiting blood.  Are you in any pain?  Tell me on a scale of one to ten how bad your pain is."  I just found a website that has a much better chart.  Badass Pain Chart

Can you tell I've been trolling the internets?  Yay!  I found this video, called Alyssa Lies.  I would put the youtube video up on here, but for some reason the video players hate my blog.  So, click the link!  Yeah!  Peer pressure!

So, I've had this rather reliable Samsung slide phone from Straight Talk (Wal-mart's track phone brand) for about a year, and it starts going white screen on me randomly, so I can't even use it.  Lame!  I was able to get a new flip phone, but messages and calls have been haywire this week.  Damn you bastard cell phone!  Why do I rely on you?!?

I love all of the cancer groups with the cute names.  I love it!  Die Cancer!  You suck!  Pink Rack Project on Facebook.

Podcast Roundup:

Sam the Cooking Guy Livecast - I love this show.  Sam the Cooking guy is in his kitchen, sometimes cooking, sometimes ranting.  Good stuff!  It showcases his living room, kitchen, and I believe son's office.  Son monitors the social media (facebook, twitter) during the show, wife wanders around and yells rando things, and they cook!  Great show for people with ADD.  Five stars!
http://www.thesamlivecast.com/the-crew

Call me Maybe dude in a bikini

Do you know who Rosa Parks is? I thought I did. I thought she was a woman that finally got fed up with being treated like a second class citizen, perhaps she was tired. I thought she just one day suddenly decided to not give up her seat on the bus, and unintentionally started one of the biggest protests in American History, the Montgomery Bus Boycott. Not so it turns out. There is a new book out, The Dark End of the Street,documents the fact that she worked for the NAACP as a field secretary. It also shows how the sexual assaults of black women caused much of the civil rights movement as we know it. There was an actual campaign by the white men of the time to rape the black women in the south almost constantly. Crazy, right? I had no idea. (http://atthedarkendofthestreet.com/ )

Random thought of the day: If your penis was being legislated, would you vote differently? - As seen on a protest sign.

Ahhhhhh, the presidential debates are tonight. I wish I could see them, but I unfortunately do not have TV. Whenever I tell people that, they look at me like I said I live in a tent with no bathroom or running water. TV is not needed for survival people. I actually get more done without it. My weakness was watching shows on my computer, but I've moved to radio shows and podcasts. I just can't get anything done with the damn thing on, I just stand there and stare at it. Then 3 hours have passed and I didn't get anything done all day. So now I listen to radio shows and the news. I don't get anything else done for now due to the illness, but I have more time for Candyland. Not that getting rid of TV was a choice, mind you. I was super mad when dumb roommate moved out and took the cable with him. WITH NO WARNING THE FUCKER! I was almost caught up on my back Glee episodes, and the douchie-queen takes the cable box. Figures. Alas, I don't think I would get cable back if I could afford it. Except for the Rachel Maddow Show. Maybe the Voice. If my town received the Logo channel (www.logotv.com) I would get cable back in a second.

As a part of my Gastroparesis, I started a blog. Check it out here!

Also part of my Gastroparesis, I started doing yoga. Yes, the stretching thing you sometimes see people at the gym do. It is harder than it looks, and is even harder it keep a room in my house clean long enough to do it daily. Well, like twice daily. Not that Ive been keeping up with that, but by gosh Ive been trying.

New funniest stuff ever!  

Yes, the song is over played, so here it is again, only better!  Sweetness!  Marcus has been singing the version below for almost a week now.





PS - If you live in Pennsylvania, you can vote without an ID.  Your state government is lying to you.  Vote!  Get the full story at The Rachel Maddow Show.

Wow.

Wow. Just wow. So not only does the Republican candidate for president, Mitt Romney, not care about 47% of the country, he says people that do not pay income tax are self-styled victims and freeloaders. Except he does not personally pay income tax, so he said. Except for the fact you can't tell whether Mr. Romney is telling the truth, because he has lied about his taxes before. So, he lies, wants the poor to starve, and is cruel to animals. What a great guy. For more info on the video where he clearly states these “facts” and more, go to Mother Jones Magazine

There are huge protests breaking out in Georgia, the small European nation due to videos released showing prisoners being horrifyingly abused. Beatings and rape are all over this video, and the public is pissed. CNN has the original story here The governement has already arrested most of the individuals involved, according to a statement, and the Minister of Corrections and Legal Assistance has resigned. Hope is that those responsible will be brought to justice swiftly. Notice that when a huge prison scandal happens there, things get done quickly. Concerning the American prison scandals, well, not so much.

Gangnam style!

As I laid here over the last couple of weeks wishing I could get my gastrointestinal system replaced, hopefully with robot parts, I found The Suze Orman Show.  It's a financial show and is awesome sauce.  OMG real financial advice that I understand!  And this is coming from someone that doesn't understand what a ROTH IRA is.  So I watched this show, and it goes through caller's finances and shows them how to get on track, and it brought some things to my attention.  Like how I don't have savings, retirement, or any assets.    I'm almost 30 (if you tell anyone I'll beat you with a shoe) and I have literally nothing.  I also figured out that Marcus and I together buy almost $400 in cigarettes a month.  We sat down last night and did a joint budget.  Now, I've always been Ida Independent, and have never in my life joined my finances with someone else.  The very idea freaks me out.  Granted it could have something to do with the people I chose to be in relationships with, but it is more likely that I'm a major control freak and have serious issues.  Once you've accepted you're crazy it can make things easier.  Anyhoo, we are living slightly less than hand to mouth, and I figured I should figure out what our actual expenses and income are.  According to my math, we were spending in the neighborhood of $200 more than we made.  Yikes!  No wonder I have debt.  So, we sat down and budgeted.  I saw how our money looks together, and with a little reworking it looks good.  I'm going to have to quit smoking.  I need to anyway.

Have you seen this?
 

Apparently this guy taught Britney Spears to do this on the Ellen DeGeneres Show.  Yes, it is as hilarious as it sounds.

Tristyn has thrown himself at my feet, crying dramatically that he is starving to death.  Poor kid.  Guess I'll go make him something.

Libya is burning due to crappy filmaking

Have you seen the anti-Islamic video that started the riots in Africa?  See the video here  This is, in my opinion, totally crazy.  This video looks like a racist version of Monty Python's Life Of Brian only less in production values and it makes less sense.  The (mostly) obviously Caucasian actors are painted Snooki orange and really are bad at their craft.  The video has no storyline, other than insulting the Prophet Muhammad.  Actually, in the end of the video one of the characters says things that are actually true, but they are true about the American Christian movement.  "Every non-Muslim is an infidel.  Their lands, their women, their children are our spoils!"  Cue the gratuitous sword slashing.  Seriously, this thing is terrible.  In fact the only reason I watched the whole thing was to figure out what was so inflammatory, rather than just stupid.  They say in this "film" that Prophet Muhammad was both a child molester of girls and gay.  Now don't get me wrong here, but don't gay people generally have sex with members of the same sex?  Hmmm.   I'm not saying it isn't possible that someone could have predilections toward both men and little girls, but that seems very strange.  There hasn't even been a Law & Order SVU episode about it, and they've done pretty much everything.  As for calling someone a child molester, in the time of the bible a person was an adult at 13.  That "girl" looked about 30.  Here is a question for you, how much do you know about Islam and/or the Prophet Muhammad?  My answer was, Uhhhhhhh, not much.  The way I understand it (BBC explains Islam) the Prophet Muhammad is a man of God, the same as Jesus and Abraham.  So why are we fighting again?  Oh, right.  Some ignorant dumb fuck talked crap on the internet, and some other people saw it and became seriously pissed about it.  Do we really need to burn building and kill people to express anger at some random dumbass?  I understand the rage at people who talk crap on the internet, but seriously world, I think the Americans handle it best.  We make angry remarks on their comments page (with some insults thrown in) and thumbs down their video.  Hell, we make fake accounts to thumbs down something several times.  Unethical, but true.  Burning down buildings over an obviously racist, blackface, terrible movie seems a bit excessive to me though.  Just saying.

Other Stuff Happened This Week Too

I am trying desperately to get organized.  This is not working the way I want it to.  Meaning no one has shown up to do it for me.  Which is awful because I seriously suck at this.  

I made meatloaf!  Get the recipe here.  I added home grown tomatoes and balsalmic vinegar.  Awesome!  Marcus almost cried, he loves meatloaf.   Tristyn said it was gross until I told him it was smashed baked beetles, then it was suddenly his favorite.  I love placating my five year old boy sometimes, but it can get gross.

So Tristyn asked me the other day who Mitt Romney was.  Appaerently he heard me ranting to Marcus (who says he doesn't understand politics because he thinks they don't affect him) and wondered who this person was.  So, I explained that I don't like him because he is not nice to animals and is trying to boss me around.  It can be hard to have the entire woman's liberation movement and reproductive rights movement flash through your head and "being bossy" is all you can come up with.  Mr. Romney (because even though I don't believe the man is very smart but that is no reason to be rude to him) is trying to say I have to do what he says, because he says so.  He is not my boss, and should not get to say whether I get to go to the doctor and what for.

Pinning!

So, may you have the same hope that the Chinese people stopping trucks taking dogs to slaughterhouses.  There will be a better day!

Focus foulcus

Must focus on positive.  Had an interesting week, ended not so great on the job front.  Boss is mad, not sure where I went wrong.  I cannot afford to dwell like I usually do. I tend to wrap myself in confusion and frustration until I'm squeezed so tight all I can do is burst.  The always present questions, Where Did I Go Wrong? and How Can I Foul Up Something I'm Trying So Hard At? make my head explode in a rainbow of rage and self-loathing.  These are learned behaviors, I know because I taught them to myself.  I have trouble remembering that life is a self-fulfilling prophesy.  I know I will succeed and I do.  I must remember to make an affirmation.  They are a cheesy motivational technique I learned from a company I did direct sales with.  You state that you are the greatest that has ever lived, you are beautiful, and you are the best (insert something you aren't great at here, like dealing with irate customers) and you are (insert desired promotion/dream job here).  Repeat into the mirror often.  Also throw some goals in there, like I'm a billionaire and own a huge yacht, or I own Canada.  Be unreasonable in the awesomeness of what you want, because anything can be done by anyone, it just takes focus.  And, luck doesn't hurt. 

I need a goal board.  Can you tell I feel I'm floundering?  Is anybody out there?  Ground control to Major Thom.  My baby, sweet sweet angel Tristyn is going to kindergarten in like 2 days.  I am super freaking out.  I can be a bit of a control freak. 
I own anxiety like its my favorite coat.  Shhhh, no one knows. 
My sweet angel is a 5 yr old climbing my walls and sqealing like a pig. 
My baby, how did you get so big? 
Where did the days go when I held you all day?  We cuddled for weeks, you and I.
 You were 4 months old the first time I left your side. 
Your uncle took me on a drive,
and I looked at the sky.  I had wrapped myself so fully in you, I forgot that you were not the entire universe.  I clung to you like a drowning man clings to a life raft in that basement. 
Just you and I.
Now theres you and I, and an overgrown elf,
strange to see another in your heart so fully,
when you never seemed to recognise your own,
this own, that own, he's mine, he's dead,
now another fills your head,
with love and kisses and wrestling matches,
help with homework, food and showers, bed
life beyond what had been said,
a fateful night who could have guessed,
so many strange worlds, so many strange choices,
to have ended up in a world with love and hope,
I love you little boy, youre the best Ive ever done.